
Share
12th May 2018
04:42pm BST

Sure, it looks a bit angry, but overall it's fine. It's an owl. You know what an owl looks like. You know they bring letters to Harry Potter and you know they can turn their head 360 degrees. Owls are cool. We like owls.
Well you're wrong. You're dead wrong. We don't like owls. We hate them. We just like their feathers. Without their feathers, and they are approximately 96% feathers as you will see, they are monsters. They are awful. We hate owls, actually.
Its head is suddenly tiny, without all those feathers, and its eyes, usually appropriately proportioned in relation to its big feathery head, are suddenly gigantic and vacant. They are looking at you. They are looking right at you. They are staring. The featherless demon owl is taking you in, weighing you up. Can it eat you? That's what it is thinking. It would eat you if it could. Even though it can't, it might still give you a good fucking pecking anyway. Its beak is very sharp, its head is very pointy, its feathers, its feathers are gone. They are not there. They are just not there.
It looks like a praying mantis crossed with a pack of frozen chicken thighs. It will watch you while you sleep. Its head can turn the entire way round. Remember that? That was cool before wasn't it. Imagine this guy doing that to you. Yeah. Not cool anymore is it? A bit terrifying now, isn't it? Yeah. Owls.
https://twitter.com/DanaSchwartzzz/status/818213520177332224
Conclusion: Owls need feathers. If you spot an owl without feathers, give it some. Please cover it in feathers so the children of your neighbourhood won't wake up in the middle of the night and see this unholy demon from hell watching from a tree, hooting.
https://twitter.com/DanaSchwartzzz/status/818215481022812161Explore more on these topics:

Life Style | Joe.ie
life style