Life | 3 years ago
JOE's Freshers' Guide to living away from home for the first time...
Sh*t just got real.

Sh*t just got real.

Finally. Here you are. You've worked your bum off, got your exam results, you've been accepted onto your college course of choice, and now you're about to move out and live away from home for the first time.

It's a momentous occasion and a pretty daunting time alright but don't worry, JOE's got you covered. All you have to do is follow these seven very handy tips and you'll be right as rain. And, if you're not, you're not allowed to blame us/sue us/come to Casa de JOE to beat us up. OK? OK.

Make sure you write these down...

Try to pick the perfect housemate...

How does the old adage go again? "You can't choose your family, but you can choose your hopefully-not-freaky-deaky-in-any-way-whatsoever housemate at college."

It's something like that anyway. Whatever you do though, just make sure you don't end up with someone like this guy...

Clip via RhysIfansHotStar.


Learn how to use the goddamn washing machine...

You're not living at home any more, so the simple fact of the matter is that you're a big boy now, wearing your big boy pants. It's imperative you know how to wash those big boy pants though because they get real smelly, real quick.

big boy pants

Image via someecards.

Learn the perfect chat-up line...

Yeah, we get it, you're a real smooth operator, but, now that you don't have to try and sneak a potential bed-buddy in past your sleeping folks at home, you can use this perfect chat-up line to help you arrange a romantic rendezvous in your new gaf. Here's one we made earlier...

"If you were a nose bogey, I would pick you first." Irresistible.

Make sure you know how to cook one perfect meal...


There's no denying that you'll never beat Mammy's home-cooking but, believe us, staying in to cook is infinitely more affordable than eating out every night. And anyone who says you can't live off crisp sandwiches when you're in college is a fool. A damned crisp sandwich-hatin' fool we tells ya.

crisp sandwich

Image via The Daily Spud.

Buy yourself a pair of marigold...

You know, for doing the washing up of course. Why? What were you going to use them for in college, during this terrific time of new experiences, sexual or otherwise?


Image via Practical Fishkeeping.

Prepare the perfect ice-breaking joke...


Sure, you can make small talk with the folks back at home, but you need an absolute winner of a joke to help break the ice when meeting new people. Here, you can borrow JOE's personal favourite...

We bought a fake Christmas tree last year and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?"

Papa JOE said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."


Bill Murray laugh

Learn some self-defence...

Your Ma and Da (and Fluffy your pet rottweiler for that matter) won't be on hand to look after you once you've moved out of your childhood home, so it's crucial you learn a few self-defence moves. We found these great guys incredibly helpful...


Clip via Watched Most Video.

One of the most important things to do when you move out and get to college is to manage your money. What? You didn't think that those marigold, big boy pants and crisp sandwiches were going to buy themselves, did you? There's no need to panic though because with Bank of Ireland you get 20% off* lots of brands when you use your student Visa Debit card, check out their website for more details by clicking here.

*20% offer applies to student Visa Debit card only. For all retail partners promotional terms and conditions click hereTerms and conditions apply to student accounts and Visa Debit cards. You must be 16 years or over to apply for a Visa Debit card.  Bank of Ireland is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.

While you're here, why not check out our JOE Show Daddy's Home 2 Special with Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell!

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College, guide, freshers