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25th Mar 2014

JOE’s top 12 ways to make a good first impression

Trust us, these top tips will (probably not) help you land your dream job...

JOE

Trust us, these top tips will (probably not) help you land your dream job…

You’d better bring along your P45… y’know, just in case these tips don’t actually help in any way whatsoever.

Having already brought you JOE’s 12 First Date Turnoffs and JOE’s 12 Tips To Becoming A Polished JOE Gentleman, we’ve teamed up with CB12 once more to offer you 12 top tips to help you make that perfect first impression when meeting your potential new boss for your dream job.

We don’t actually want you to tell us what your dream job is, because we don’t want to delve deep into the mangled, murky place that is the mind of the JOE reader.

So, here goes…

1. A good firm handshake

JOE believes that, in any walk of life, a strong, firm handshake is an excellent way to make a positive first impression.

handshake

Whatever you do though, don’t shake hands like they do in Iceland. Not good, not good at all…

2. Make sure you turn up nice and early…

Punctuality is key and, if your potential new boss is witness to your excellent time-keeping, then you’re already in their good books.

Just remember though, there’s need to set up camp outside the new office and queue for four days in advance, just like you did when you were waiting for your Garth Brooks’ tickets.

That was just creepy…

queue

3. Don’t bring along your partner-in-crime to “interview as a team.”

Believe us, if it didn’t work for Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly in Step-Brothers then it’s definitely not going to work for you, because those two lads are waaaaaaay funnier than you’ll ever be.

You might as well send your BFF home because you’re on your own sweetcheeks.

4. Do dress up nice though…

We know that Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly probably didn’t make the best first impression in that particular interview above but, you do have to admit, they look daaaaamn fine in those terrific tuxedos.

Make sure you dress up real nice folks…

tuxedos

5. Don’t send an imposter in your place…

Just as Ferrell brought along Reilly to help out in his interview, don’t do the complete opposite and follow in Matt Damon’s film footsteps – do NOT send Ben Affleck, or any imposter for that matter, in your place.

You know what they don’t say; “Good Will Hunting does not make for good job hunting.”

6. Bring the interviewer a lovely gift…

What do you mean are we “bribing” you? That’s the most ludicrous thing we’ve ever heard!

*JOE nervously laughs for 45 minutes in front of the interviewer*

Yes. Yes we are bribing you. Did we get the job?

7. Sort your bad breath out…

Bad breath, halitosis, stank mouth – no matter what name you give it, no potential new employee wants to be walking around dishing out a devastating dose of doo-doo mouth. Our advice is to make sure you use something like CB12 oral breath rinse every morning and evening and definitely don’t forget to freshen up with the all-important CB12 Boost chewing gum before leaving the house.

That way you can be sure that you’ll have safe breath for the next 12 hours, even if your job interview runs on into the wee small hours of the morning.

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8. Get yourself some fashionable footwear to go with your tasty tuxedo…

We realise that you want to feel comfortable in the feet department, but there’s a fine line between a nice pair of shiny Italian loafers and having terrible taste in your tootsie-warmers.

We say fine line, but there’s a huge difference if we’re being perfectly honest. Don’t be a clown about it. Literally.

clown feet

9. Do not make outrageous salary demands…

Of course you don’t want to be paid a measly €2.47 a week for the top-quality work that you’ll be doing in your new job, so our advice is to aim high… but not too high, yeah?

10. Make eye contact…

Maintaining eye contact is crucial but Jaysus, make sure you don’t scare the interviewer completely by continually staring at them, open-eyed, for the entire duration of the meeting…

11. Try to impress and make sure that you understand the interviewer’s questions…

Whatever you do, DO NOT give the interviewer the catastrophic first impression that you’re going to be the workplace’s version of Keith from The Office…

12. And finally…

Just be yourself man, like, y’know. You just gotta, like, believe and be confident in your own ability and, like, as we said, be yourself.

Unless “yourself” is an absolute massive freaky freak of a person. In that case, definitely try to be someone else.

JOE’s 12 tips to become a polished JOE is brought to you by CB12 and new CB12 Boost.

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