Having just been named by TIME magazine as one of the 100 most influential people in the world, it’s time to take a look at the Space Cadet that is footballing Marmite-maestro, Mario Balotelli.
By Eoghan Doherty
“Why always me?” Mario may ask.
Ahmm, because you’re a Space Cadet?
Only 22 years old and already a global superstar, Mario makes some of the other Lynx Space Cadets we’ve talked about in recent weeks look like the local Girl Scout leader’s cuddly granny Mary.
Balotelli has already been involved in so many bonkers incidents in his short career that, by the time JOE’s finished writing this particular article, he’ll probably have been responsible for another eight fire -extinguisher/giraffe/peanut butter-related “adventures.”
Admirably, the footballer has been very vocal in his fight against racism but for now though, let’s just a look at what makes the man so hilariously unique.
He inadvertently started an internet meme following his famous Hulk celebration;he drove into a Manchester school to make use of their toilet facilities and has thrown darts at Man City youth players because he was “bored.” It wasn’t just the youth team he had run-ins with though, having picked pick fights with Jerome Boateng, Vincent Kompany, Micah Richards and let’s not forget his old Gaffer himself, Roberto Mancini. All guys who seem like easy targets right? Maybe not.
Here’s a clip of the two feisty Italians having a quiet word with each other after the striker attempted what seemed to be some sort of a back-heel-type-shot-type-thing:
He’s also been stopped by the police and questioned as to why he had £5000 cash on his person he replied “because I am rich.” Can’t really argue with that can you? All that money can’t really buy you any fashion sense though, or an ability to dress yourself, as this now classic clip of Balotelli’s Bib-gate demonstrates:
Not all episodes ended in him being entirely reprimanded though and some even bagged him an additional bit of work. After setting his house on fire having released fireworks in his bathroom, Balotelli later became the fireworks safety amabassdor for Manchester. Every cloud, eh?
Possibly one of our favourite Balotelli moments here at JOE though, is when his mammy sent him out to the shops to pick up some essentials. Now when our own mammy asks us do it, we’d obviously come back with the bread, milk and a shneaky Freddo bar just to treat ourselves for the walk involved. Mario, however, had other ideas, returning home with a scaletrix set, a quad bike and a goddamn trampoline. Touch the sky, Mario…
Now THAT’S the way to do the grocery shopping.
Whether you love him or hate him, it’s very hard not to be intrigued by him and the Premier League is defintely a tamer place without him. Now we’re just back to watching to see if Tony Pulis will wear a cap at the next Stoke game.
Yep, he’s still wearing it.
Probably the craziest most crazy thing out of all the crazy things that Mario has ever done though, is score against Ireland in the 2012 European Championships. WHY DID YOU DO THAT? MARIO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP.
Here’s his goal. You don’t have to watch it if you don’t want to but it is an excellent finish:
Not as good as his bullet strike against Germany in the same competition though:
And so there you have it; the ever-entertaining enigma that is Mario Balotelli.
When are you ever going to learn Mario? “Never,” is probably the answer the man would give us. As he threw a pineapple at our dog’s head.
Thanks Mario.
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