A trip to Magaluf is like a movie, but not how you’d think.
Magaluf is a beautiful place. It’s located off the coast of Spain. Truly gorgeous. It would be the perfect location for a family holiday or a couple’s retreat. Emphasis on the word ‘would’ there.
At least, it would be perfect IF there wasn’t hundreds of 18-year-olds competing with each other to see who can be the wildest.
Anyone who has been can attest to this. It’s ludicrous. I said that it’s like a movie, but not like an American Pie or Project X type movie. It’s more like Harry Potter or The Chronicles of Narnia. You’re transported to this magical land, where rules cease to exist.
Everything that you’d believed to be true about the world has been proven to be false.
Magaluf sounds scary, and on paper it is. But when you’re actually there? It’s brilliant.
And if you’ve ever been, you’ll remember all of these things…
Coco Bongos
Also known as ‘The best Bar in the Universe’. This place was heaven. Don’t ask why, because nobody will be able to tell you.
It just had an aura. If we’re sticking with the Harry Potter analogy, and Magaluf is Hogwarts – then Coco Bongos is the Room of Requirement. It would present itself to those who were in need of it. And in Magaluf’s case, everyone was in need of it.
No matter where you were, you’d end up at Coco Bongos at some stage. Those red and yellow lights were constantly in reach, but it seemed to vanish during the day. The prices were fair, the drinks were cold, and they cleaned the tables with the same vodka that they sold to customers at the end of the night – like all good bars!
Free t-shirts
What an effective marketing strategy. If your club is offering free clothes, people are going to go.
It seems silly, but it works. That’s why at breakfast every morning, you see a sea of Irish teenagers sporting “What happens in Stereo – stays in Stereo” t-shirts.
Shameless.
The steps
The dreaded steps.
There were precisely 34,432 of them, and most people had to climb them to get home at the end of every night. They’re somewhat iconic, so on the first night you’re happy climbing them. They’re a novelty.
A novelty that immediately wears off.
By the second night you feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest with weights around your ankles.
And by the third night you’re considering just sleeping on the beach. Who needs a bed anyway?
The reps
Looking back, I have a bit of sympathy for the nightclub reps. They had the thankless job of having to deal with drunk eejits night after night.
They had to do anything to convince people to come to their club, instead of the others, (their efforts were wasted on me, I was headed to Coco Bongos no matter what).
They all offered deals that were really similar, and very often lies. “€10 entry and you’ll get two drinks on arrival”, yet never specifying that the drinks you’d receive would be shots of Capri Sun.
An honourable mention has to go to the female reps, who would put on an Oscar-worthy performance as they pretended to flirt with lads in an attempt to persuade them to go to their club. We all had that one… “Lads, I know they get paid commission and all, but I think she really likes me” mate. Sure she does, man.
The vodka
Rushkinoff vodka. The devil’s juice. It tasted like liquidated sand-paper.
The infamous ‘Rushkinoff Cough’ is synonymous with Magaluf, mostly because it’s dirt cheap and tastes like actual dirt too.
All part of the experience, though.
BCM
Magaluf’s marquee venue. BCM constantly boasts the top artists in the world, and the atmosphere is electric.
After you’ve booked your flights and accommodation, the third thing that you have to book is your tickets to BCM. People usually stump up at least €50 for entry, and the general consensus is that it’s worth it.
It’s a step above every other club on the island, and is definitely not to be missed.
So I’m told anyway, I wouldn’t know. I was in Coco Bongos instead.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
