Life | 4 months ago
Guy tells horrific story of having sex with a coconut, other guys tell their fruit-banging tales
It happens so often that they actually have a term for it. Gross.

Coconutting.

Unfortunately, we're not being funny, that is actually what the online community is calling it.

Having sex with a coconut is now called Coconutting.

It has happened often enough that it has a name.

This is the world we live in, people.

Anyways, a guy going by the name of CoconutThrowaway69 took to Reddit to tell his truly horrific tale, the "highlights" of which include:

[G]rabbing the coconut drill and through 20-ish minutes of concerted effort end up creating a hole large enough for me to stick my porker into. I decide it requires some lube and grab the nearest slippery thing (some butter) before shoving it into the coconut followed shortly by my meat. I fuck the coconut and it actually feels pretty damn good so I blow my load, shove the coconut under my bed and continue about my day.

And, having made love to the hairy ball of fruit a number of times, this happened...

[T]he reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently, in hindsight, a nearly perfect place to lay eggs. As I penetrate the coconut one last time I begin to feel a strange wriggling sensation. Puzzled, I pull my cock out to discover that it is COVERED in rotted and mouldy butter and semen and TEEMING WITH TINY FUCKING MAGGOTS. They were wriggling all over my dick head and some were even trying to force their way up into my urethra.

Advertisement

Culminating in this shiver inducing mess...

I screamed, and threw the coconut against the wall which made the situation worse by spilling the contents. Hours of vigorous cock scrubbing, vomiting, and cleaning the remnants were spent reflecting on what the fuck I was doing with my life.

People had so many questions about his fruity love-life that he took to Reddit again for an Ask Me Anything session, and revealed a few more details about the scenario, including his answer to the obvious question about, y'know, maybe not making love to a coconut?

It was actually the first thought that went through my head, but I was so horny and the coconut looked so inviting that I could no longer resist it.

Well... yeah, okay, sure... I mean... (shrugs helplessly)

Not to let the guy blow in the wind all by himself and become low-hanging fruit (heh) for future online joke-makers, a few other guys weighed in with their own fruit-based sexy-time stories.

There was this guy who thought he was having sex with a coconut but got the fruit completely wrong:

I pick out my specimen along with some coconut oil(I thought it'd fit the theme better than butter). I go home, get the fixes ready and start the juicy jerk. It's going good for a good while until I realise something: This isn't a coconut. Being from a southern family that only knows of starch and fat, tropical produce is mostly foreign to me and in my excitement I realise I picked out a kiwi instead, not a coconut.

Advertisement

And then there's this guy who heard about another guy having sex with a pineapple, wanted up to the fruit ante, and ended up breaking his toe:

So I came across this post of a guy who fucked a pineapple. Some guy jokingly commented "What's next? Watermelons?" And my dumbass was like, "Hey! Why not?" So I ran to Walmart ad picked up the first watermelon I saw. Went home, did the usual and got down to business. Now let me tell you this felt like heaven. However I thought it would be a good idea to try and see if my erecting could hold up the watermelon. Yeah this is the fuck-up part. Long story short it slipped off my dick, broke my toe, and I'm in the emergency room right now.

There morale of the story is ... don't have sex with fruit?

Sure, lets go with that.

 

While you're here... check out The JOE Show Christmas Special with Bressie, the Dublin Gospel Choir and a surprise guest appearance from the star of the season, Jesus Christ Santa Claus!


Read more about:

Funny, Viral, Sex, Weird, Share, gross