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04th Apr 2014

Survey shows that left-handed people are five times better at sex


Unhappy with your sex life? It might be because you’re right-handed

According to a recent global sex survey, it seems that the lefties among us are having a much better time between the sheets than their right-handed counterparts, and by a long way too.

According to the results, 86% of lefties have stated that they are ‘Extremely Satisfied’ with their sex lives, while just 15% of those who are right-handed said the same. We’re not maths professors (hence the loose enough ‘five times’ classification of the title), but those are damning statistics in anyone’s book.

There are no concrete reasons as to why these figures sit in such stark contrast, but some suggestions have been made that pose a few hypotheses, one of the main ones being that since lefties struggle through a world designed for right-handed folk, they’re more dextrous and creative and therefore more inventive in the bedroom. Perhaps they use the time that the rest of us spend learning the guitar playing or playing video games to get some different experience and improve some other of their life skills. We mean they spend more time ridin’ than non-lefties, in case you didn’t get what we were on about.

The survey was commissioned by a sex toy manufacturer and shockingly arrives at the same time as one of their latest products which promises to stimulate the right side of your brain (the one that lefties tend to use, according to popular belief) and looks like a stress ball that sends vibrations up your arm that will get you using that side of your brain. What a coincidence.

Anyway, now we know why business at the Leftorium was so good…

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