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31st Dec 2015

11 things you’ll definitely hear down the pub on New Year’s Eve

Eric Lalor

New Year’s Eve is always one of the biggest nights out of the year but that doesn’t mean you won’t hear the same old sh*te you hear on the same day every year.

Sh*te like this…

1.”You don’t feel the years flying by, do you?”

The assertion from some people that each year is passing quicker and quicker. It’s obviously not, but to those who like the sound of their own voice, this will get mentioned a few times.

2. “Any plans for New Year’s?”

This will come from someone making small talk, someone not feeling very comfortable, someone who is so bored they have forgotten where they are. Usually accompanied with the “how was your Christmas?” question.

3. “I love you.”

Let’s face it, New Year’s Eve gets us emotional and when you add that to your possible lack of sobriety, invariably you will be telling anyone that will listen that you love them.

Even the bouncer who is trying to throw you out.

4. “What time are we doing the countdown at?”

Another question or saying that defines futility. This is coming from someone on their sixth pint at half past six.

5. “I’m going to stay at home next year.”

This is said by the same person every single year… and every single year they’re in the pub.

6. “Next year is going to be my year, I can feel it.”

The eternal optimist will spew this one out ad nauseum. Year after year after year.

7. “Glad to see the back of that one.”

Every year, usually from the same person, lamenting the year that was.

Even though you know and they probably know, that nothing untoward happened and losing a €20 bet during the Euros does not constitute a bad year.

8. “That’s it. That’s the last pint I’m having. I’m going off the booze for good this time.”

The booze-quitter, the weight-loser, the get-fitter, the stop-smoker. Every year, people will tell you in no uncertain terms that they ‘mean’ it this time. They rarely do.

9. “Stay away from me at 12. I’m honing in on my target.”

Invariably the bells at 12 bring much merriment and lots of hand shakes, hugs and a few kisses thrown about willy-nilly.

There are those who strategically position themselves at 12 to be near someone, who may be the object of their desire, in the hope that at 12, that long-awaited kiss will come.

10. “See you next year.”

This moment of comedy genius is spouted out by many people as they prepare to leave the pub on New Year’s Eve.

It’s never been funny, but it has never stopped people thinking that it’s the wittiest thing that’s ever been said.

11. “I hate this time of year.”

There’s always a Scrooge-like bah humbug presence down in the pub. That one person who moans about everything.

They tell you how much they hate Christmas and New Year’s yet they are out in the pub drinking away with everyone else and you just know by 12 they will be swaying, hugging and probably kissing strangers.

Happy New Year everybody! Have a great 2017!