Don't try to understand the women folk, lads, it's never going to happen.
As the only female writer on the JOE team I'm in a unique position to explain what lads are going through when they're met with the cold shoulder.
Read on, gentlemen...
The silent treatment
Stage 1 is the deathly silence. You don't know what you did wrong but you know you must have done something because you are being ignored and it's the same as a bell ringing for round 1 of a boxing match. Let the games begin.
The denial
After the silent treatment comes the denial. You ask is everything alright and you get a shrug or a high pitched "fine." But the body language is all off and you know you are in trouble.
And even though you have been through this process before you are still confused as to what is actually happening.
Then you start going through everything you did recently to see if you can figure out what you could have done wrong, without further incriminating yourself by bringing up things that she has no idea happened.
The accusation
Then the silence breaks and you get hit with the reason and although she is upset and it's your fault you are a bit relieved that you finally know what you did wrong.
The rant
The next ten to fifteen minutes are a haze as she reels off a speech she has been practising all day about why she is cross and the reasons why she is perfect and you are not. It can be a lot to take in but it is well advised to pay attention because there could be questions after.
The tears
After the rant comes the real emotions, a few tears. You start to see how much this really meant to her and you start to feel really bad about the whole thing.
The end
You say sorry, she forgives you and you hug it out. It's a complicated process but it's a bit like a ritual that needs to happen for complete cathartic release. Don't fight it, the making up is usually worth the row.
