Search icon

Life

20th Oct 2015

This app will let you know just how drunk you are

T(app)sy McStaggered?

Paul Moore

Feeling a little bit T(app)sy McStaggered?

Nobody likes an obnoxious drunk because they’re usually loud, stumbling and very stupid. How stupid can they be?

I’ve frequently seen people take out their phone, examine it like it’s some foreign object and then talk absolute crap while drunk dialing the poor person that’s on the other end of the phone.

You know who you are.

Alan Hangover Drunk

If you happen to know someone like this then a new app named My Canary might be the thing for them because it’s a “personal mental and physical performance tracker” that gauges how ‘with it’ they are after a few beers.

The app was developed with the aid of NASA astronauts and professional athletes, so you know that it has only been used on the best minds and bodies, and it works via a series of tests.

Barney GIF

The first is a memory assessment exam that involves numbers swirling around on screen. Assuming that you’re not incredibly twisted, you’ll be asked to recall the numbers in the order that they appear on screen.

A balance test is the next step and just like every single episode of Cops that you’ve ever seen on TV, you’ll be asked to walk a straight line. This is done by holding the phone to your chest and gazing at the ground immediately in front of you as you walk.

If the phone detects too much of a wobble in your walk then you’re instantly notified.

Peter Fall

The third test is based on your attention span because you’ll have to identify a symbol that’s flashing on screen while the final step in this test of sobriety is much more straight forward, you’re required to count to twenty while keeping a constant rhythm.

My Canary doesn’t exactly sound like it’s as fiendish as the three tasks that Indiana Jones had to complete before he managed to get his hands on the holy grail but then again, he wasn’t hammered in that film.

No time for booze Dr Jones.

Grail indy

 

Topics:

drink,Tech