It’s been a good year for cows.
Do you remember that giant cow? The really big cow? This one. That guy. That enormous, massive cow. That absolute unit. I thought it was the cow-related news story of the year at the time and whilst I still stand by that bold acclamation, even with 10 months left on the calendar, I am pleased to report that it now has competition in the ‘cows being big or doing stuff’ subgenre of news.
As JOE’s official ‘cows being big or doing stuff’ correspondent, it brings me great pride to deliver this: A rogue herd of cows staging an invasion of a local Hong Kong supermarket and attacking the fresh produce aisle with all the military precision of the Red Army during the Operation Uranus counteroffensive at Stalingrad.
Yeah, sorry, yeah, I have been watching World War II in Colour on Netflix. But the point is: Shit me, look at these cows.
https://www.facebook.com/100003576319256/videos/1977927102336481/
Local newspaper Ming Pao reported that the wild animals entered the Fusion grocery store in Mui Wo at about 8 PM and jumped straight in at the fruit and vegetable aisle, presumably because whatever meal deals Fusion grocery was offering were either a) subpar or b) were unmanageable in terms of packaging if you lack opposable thumbs, let alone just have hooves.
Footage posted to Facebook by Stephen Law shows shoppers just kinda standing around awkwardly, not exactly knowing what to do or how to go about their big shop with four hefty, hungry cows standing in the way of the healthy part of a balanced diet.
According to Hong Kong’s Agriculture, Fisheries, and Conservation Department, over 1,100 wild cows roam the country, meaning that incidents like this aren’t entirely uncommon. Supermarket staff and customers anxious for their vitamins were able to corral the cattle out of the store but it was bad news for the produce, which had to be destroyed after the ambitious cow raid for obvious sanitary reasons.
Fair play to you, hungry cows. You saw an opportunity and you took it. Whilst it ultimately proved unsuccessful, a Beer Hall Putsch of a supermarket invasion coordinated by some large cows, you will no doubt have a greater scheme in the works. There are 1,100 of you feral bois after all, you probably could take Hong Kong.
They’re certainly more organised than they were in Ballinrobe.
Clip via Michael Keane
We’ll be waiting to see you try. And probably writing it up as a news story because honestly, I really, really rate cows. I think they’re class. So should you. End transmission.
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