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10th Feb 2014

What NOT to buy for someone this Valentine’s Day, No.4: Terrible, terrible clothes

Just make sure you keep the receipts for these rubbish gifts, yeah?


Here at JOE we’re the manliest experts around when it comes to knowing EXACTLY what women want. At least that’s what we tell ourselves anyway.

It is for that reason that we know that the lovely lucky lady in your life will be absolutely delighted when you present her with a selection of fancy brand new clothes as her specially-considered Valentine’s Day gift.

A word of advice though – whatever you do, do not go out of your way to buy any of the clothing items we’ve highlighted below, all of which landed JOE in quite a lot of hot water. What makes matters worse is that we foolishly bought all of these gifts in the same year. For the same woman.

First up, it’s the Nap Sack Sleep Hood.

Now, while you may absolutely love grabbing 40 winks at every available opportunity, your better half (and believe us, she inevitably is better than you) will not appreciate the fact that you’ve basically bought her a bag to wear on her head. It doesn’t matter how much she wants to doze during meetings, worship or sports, you still want her to cover her face with a sack.

You silly, silly lovefool.

Secondly, the Tandem Glove.

At first glance this glorious glove may look warm, cozy and comforting but believe us, buying this will reveal to your partner your true nature – the nature of a completely demented person who cannot buy decent presents.

upon opening this gift, your girlfriend/fiancee/3rd cousin will look at you like you’ve got four heads (and only three gloves) and she’d be right. This item of terrible, terrible clothing is a red flag indicating overly-attached men with dependency issues.

And finally, materity wear.

Do not buy your companion maternity wear. You know how the old saying goes; “if she’s not pregnant then don’t buy her maternity wear.” Told you.

Your stammering, stuttering defence claiming that you bought it so that she could feel “free” and “loose” just ain’t going to cut it. She thinks you think she’s big-boned. Simple as.

What you really want to do this Valentine’s Day is to keep it simple and treat your sweetheart to some delicious Häagen-Dazs ice-cream. Avoid the clothes-shopping, grab the spoons, snuggle up on the sofa and get stuck in.

This editorial is brought to you by Haagen Dazs. For more information on Haagen Dazs, please check out their Facebook page here.

Haagen daz

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