Sign us up.
One of my favourite cult films from the ’90s turned 20 recently and I’d wager that the slacker cool kids of Empire Records are still saying ‘Damn the man’…you know, if they were actually real people.
Working at the music store from that film was one of my my dream jobs growing up but it wasn’t my only one. Here are some other fictional places that would be incredibly cool to work in.
Not even Rex Manning could ruin these jobs.
Bimbo’s Burgers in The Van
Sign me up: There’s no better place to be riding the wave of euphoria during Italia ’90. If that wasn’t enough then you also get to tell people that are asking for a Choc Ice to ‘f**k off’!
Handing in your notice: Cleaning it is a pain in the arse and it seems like the health inspector might want to shut the place down after that deep-fried nappy was discovered.
Mcmillan toys in Big
Sign me up: Be honest, we all wanted to have Tom Hanks’ office in this film. It seemed like he had every toy in the world to play with.
Handing in your notice: They’ll probably fire you after they realise that you’re actually just a 10-year-old that lied to them all along. Bit harsh.
Hook & Ladder 8 from Ghostbusters
Sign me up: You get your own Proton Pack, you’re allowed to ride in Ecto 1 and Bill Murray is your colleague. What’s not to love?
Handing in your notice: There’s the slight possibility of an impending apocalyptic Armageddon that’s being ushered in by Gozer the Gozerian, Vigo the Carpathian or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Quick Stop from Clerks
Sign me up: You get to talk about Star Wars, sex and play hockey on the roof. In the meantime, it’s your duty to take the mickey out of every customer that walks in.
Handing in your notice: Ill lent Dante answer this one “I’m stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fu**ing a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks”.
Championship Vinyl in High Fidelity
Sign me up: You can sit around all day and make your top 5 lists. Then again, I could never imagine myself in a profession that requires me to make arbitrary lists that categorise things. *Cough, cough*
Handing in your notice: Expect to hear your opinionated colleagues arguing about the merits of Katrina and the Waves when you’re in a rotten mood.
The Control Tower from Airplane!
Sign me up: Steve McCroskey is the greatest boss that you’ll ever meet. It’s just a shame that he picked the wrong week to quit drinking, smoking, sniffing glue and using amphetamines.
Handing in your notice: The stress might get to you, especially when you’re dealing with people who prefer to make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl from the weather warning you give them.
Prestige Worldwide in Step Brothers
Sign me up: Boats ‘n hoes.
Handing in your notice: There’s no office just yet because the last one, The Gilded Lady, was demolished during the making of a music video.
The Winchester from Shaun of The Dead
Sign me up: It’s the perfect spot when the zombie apocalypse hits. The doors are bolted, it has booze, there’s a shotgun and the jukebox plays some deadly tunes.
Handing in your notice: To this we say…
Wayne Enterprises as seen in The Dark Knight
Sign me up: Where do you think Batman gets all of those wonderful toys from? It’s also a great place to visit if you’re looking to go spelunking..whatever that means.
Handing in your notice: It’s very likely that Bane will launch a coup d’état, steal all of those gadgets and use them against the innocent people of Gotham. Not something that you would want on your C.V.
Moe’s Tavern in The Simpsons
Sign me up: I would absolutely love to know what goes on in Moe’s during the day. Panda abductions, illegal whale trading and Deer Hunter-esque games of Russian Roulette seem like they’re part of the daily ritual.
Handing in your notice: You may develop rickets or scurvy due to the fact that natural light isn’t allowed into the bar.
InGen the company behind Jurassic Park
Sign me up: You get to work with dinosaurs.
Handing in your notice: You’ll most likely be eaten by these dinosaurs.
The Channel 4 Newsroom, stars of Anchorman
Sign me up: Who doesn’t want to work with a team that uses phrases like ‘smelly pirate hooker’ and ‘I’m very aroused’ on a daily a basis? It’s time to musk up.
Handing in your notice: Rival news teams will frequently try and kill you during a barbaric street fight. They’re always trying to get a rise out of you.
Nakatomi Trading Co from Die Hard
Sign me up: You get to work with this guy. Hans, *bubby*, I’m your white knight.
Handing in your notice: The building does get taken over by German terrorists while John McClane destroys what’s left of it. Welcome to the party, pal!
McDowells from Coming To America
Sign me up: Free burgers and you get to work with Eddie Murphy during the height of his comedic powers.
Handing in your notice: A very young Samuel L. Jackson will try and rob you.
Empire Records
Sign me up: Listen to music, hang with your mates, make fun of people and gamble away the companies entire fortune and that’s just one of the characters. There’s so much to love about the droll, bitter and wonderfully sarcastic Lucas.
Handing in your notice: Why would you? 20 years and it’s still going strong. To this we say…
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
