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11th July 2017
04:48pm BST
"A classic good versus evil action flick, mixed with kicks, guns, motorcycles and a hot babe!"The plot follows karate black belt Jimmy Bennett (James Bennett), who returns to his hometown after a 10-year stint in reform school on a mission to find his father's killer. Along the way, he befriends a wise-cracking monk, falls for 'hot babe' Nicola (Nicola O'Sullivan) and has to deal with nogoodnik Mikey (Mikey Graham), who smokes cigarettes, wears leather jackets and is an all-round bad egg. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xX4td1XCkP0 Each scene in this high-octane, action-packed thrill-ride is more outstanding than the last. So it's only fitting that the standout sequence in this cult classic comes just before the end credits roll.
(Spoilers aplenty from here on out)It opens with a moment of comic relief that actually appears to have been written with the intention to cause laughter. Anyone who endured the first 62 minutes will know that intentional comedy, even some as poorly-executed as this, is a welcome change of pace. We are greeted by a Stetson-wearing, curly-haired, beer-bellied man who's stripped down to his jocks. He walks out of the caravan, where kidnapped Nicola is being held, cracks open a bottle of beer, removes his remaining clothing and sinks into a questionable-looking outdoor bath.
So peaceful, so serene...
That is until Jimmy comes speeding down the windy, country lane in his red banger. Firing his pistol wildly out of the driver's window, he takes out one of two gunmen keeping guard from the surrounding hills. The other guy, the one who looks like he's on TY work experience, somehow manages to cause Jimmy to spin into a bank and flip the car over.
The bloodied Bennett comes to just in time to leap away from the best explosion effect the film's modest budget could afford.
The commotion startles the naked, bathing cowboy, whose sole purpose is revealed to cause the audience to yuck it up over his whimsical exit.
He is never seen or heard from again, in this or any other movie.
The explosion leaves Jimmy more banjaxed than ever. He stumbles down the hill in heap but is able to muster up enough energy to deliver another snappy one-liner, addressing no one in particular.
Before he has time to savour the applause break, Jimmy boy notices the world's least spacially-aware henchman in his periphery.
The donkey-brained fool shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how corners work. He looks in the opposite direction that he is walking, turning his back to an open space where danger is sure to be lurking. He stares directly into an enclosed area, leaving himself zero chance of blocking Bennett's knockout blow.
We shit you not, Bennett fools the next baddy by playing a game of hide-and-seek. Not even an elaborate one at that.
The man, standing atop yet another hill, sprays machine-gun fire as Jimbob sprints towards the overturned automobile. The bullet hitting the underside of the car suggests the man saw him take cover, but remarkably, he loses track of his whereabouts.
Noticing the gunman inexplicably scanning another area he definitely isn't in, Jimmy runs up behind him, catches him between the legs with a nut-cracker and drags his ass down.
He puts him out of his misery with the most powerful weapon of all - a "witty" put-down.
Unfortunately, our protagonist is immediately forced to take an unexpected trip down the slide when another sniper sneaks up behind him and opens fire.
Having mastered slides in his karate training (we presume), Bennett proves that being accurate with a deadly weapon doesn't require the ability to see as he neutralises the target on the decline with his eyes squinted shut.
Another firefight ensues once he reaches ground level, but once his adversary needs to reload, Bennett pounces on him from behind a truck, works his ground and pound and then... two guns!
Just in case the three bullets to the brain weren't enough to extinguish that man's life, a spinning back kick upside the head was expertly-executed to be on the safe side.
A couple of Hail Mary efforts from his pistols enough to dispatch of the final sniper from his perch atop the mobile home. He's so close to Nicola now, but getting her out in the open would require all his cunning and skill.
"Hey, in the caravan... come out," is the line he went for, which prompted a Metallica fan to emerge flimsily aiming a gun in the general direction of Nicola's head.
Jimmy: "Let her go!" Henchman: "Put the gun down!" Jimmy: "Let the girl go!" Henchman: "Put the gun down or she dies!"
Jimmy's goosed now. All his chips are down.
The Metallica fan slowly takes aim at the unarmed Bennett, but Nicola answers his "bye asshole" with a foot stomp and an elbow to the face.
Jimmy dives for the gun and takes his shot, which is now wide open following Nicola's amazing vanishing act.
Just when you thought all the loose ends had been tied up, a car screeches to a halt right next to the duo.
The door flies opens and out springs one of the most intimidating of figures to ever brandish a six-shooter.
Mikey screams at them to 'kneel the fuck down!'. They obey the command because when Mikey Fuckin' Graham tells you to do something, you fuckin' do it.
Jimmy: "Let her go." Mikey: "Sorry?" Jimmy: "You heard me. It's me you want."Wrong answer.
Mikey: "I heard you... now hear this!"
Despite the common misconception, Mikey Graham is a mere mortal.
And just like every other bad guy in the movie, Jimmy overpowers this mere mortal with relative ease.
One headbutt. One right hand. One neck snapped.
One celebrated boyband star's life taken.
Overcome with emotion, a weeping Nicola runs into Jimmy's arms.
Jimmy hugs her back. His eyes are dry.
Fade to black.
All screenshots/gifs via TheCazaleExplore more on these topics:
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