To be fair, we never need an excuse to talk about Jeff Goldblum.
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However, since he has a new movie out soon, it does give us an official reason to discuss his inherent coolness.
Jeff plays the big bad guy in Hotel Artemis, which is a secret, members-only emergency room in a near-future, riot-set Los Angeles. Run by the Nurse (Jodie Foster), she takes in a group of criminals, one of whom has been badly injured. But there are all sorts of people looking for these criminals, not least of which is Goldblum himself…
The great thing about Jeff is that he can play the good guy, the bad guy, the hero, the villain, a human, an animal… doesn’t matter what, he’s still the coolest man in the room, and here’s why:
ONE – He’s saved the world. Twice.
Yep, between Independence Day and Independence Day: Resurgence, Jeff has managed to save us all from complete destruction using nothing more than his wits, his laptop and his love of countdown clocks.
TWO – He has been up close and personal with dinosaurs. Twice.
Not only did more or less predict how “life would find a way” in the first one, but then he came back to the second island in The Lost World to save his girlfriend. And then he shows up in dino-court in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom to perform a bit of a victory lap about his dino-predictions.
THREE – Speaking of which, has anyone else ever looked this cool with a big hole in their leg?
No, no they haven’t.
FOUR – He loves to sing Irish songs
Yep, Jeff serenaded us with a beautiful rendition of ‘Danny Boy’, and it is beautiful to behold.
FIVE – And he loves to sing with Irish singers!
He told us that he’s working on an album with none other than Imelda May… and then does an impression of Imelda May singing.
Again. A thing of pure beauty.
SIX – He has played the weirdest character in the MCU, which is saying something
Not to be read as an insult, because Goldblum’s performance as The Grand Master in Thor: Ragnarok was the kind of thing that scene-stealers are made of. Plus he had a spaceship used solely for sex orgies. So… there’s that.
SEVEN – He’s very good at playing animals
Well, two animals. One was the amazing gossip-loving mutt from Isle Of Dogs, and the other was the scientist who accidentally slowly turns himself into a fly. What other actor do we know that can play a dog and a fly so convincingly? Exactly. Nobody.
Clip via videobiker
EIGHT – He plays well with others
Obviously, a great actor is made even better by the great actors he surrounds himself with, and with Hotel Artemis, he has surrounded himself with one of the coolest, most impressive cast lists of the year, including:
JODIE FOSTER – Yep, Detective Clarice Starling is here, as the hotel manager who looks after “bad” people when they’re in a lot of trouble. Although we’ve seen Foster be a total bad-ass before. Remember who utterly evil she was in Inside Man? Yeah. Eeeeevil.
STERLING K. BROWN – After his star-making turn in American Crime Story as Christopher Darden, Brown is on the up and up, having appeared in Black Panther earlier this year, and he’ll be facing off against The Predator in just a few months time. Best of all, he’ll appear in Frozen 2 next year. Sterling K. Brown singing a big musical number? We’re 100% there.
SOFIA BOUTELLA – Another cool-as-hell ass-kicker, we first really met Boutella as the knife-legged henchman in the first Kingsman movie, before going on to continue to kick ancient ass in The Mummy and kick space ass in Star Trek: Beyond.
ZACHARY QUINTO – Having made a name for himself as one of TVs best bad guys in Heroes, Quinto went on to continue his villainy in American Horror Story, before switching over to the good guys for the Star Trek movies as our generation’s Spock.
CHARLIE DAY – Do we really need to introduce the agent of chaos from It’s Always Sunny? We don’t think we do.
DAVE BAUTISTA – Aside from being accidentally funniest person in all the universes in Guardians Of The Galaxy, Bautista has also been causing trouble for James Bond in Spectre, and proved to be a hard man to find in Blade Runner 2049.
Check them all out together in Hotel Artemis, which arrives in Irish cinemas on Friday 20 July!
Clip via Warner Bros. UK
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