Well well, it's New Year's Eve 2022.
Another year left behind, a fresh chapter ahead. You may well be enjoying Gatsby-esque celebrations on this very day and night, or you might just prefer to barricade yourself indoors and turn off the world.
In any event, there are movies on your TV screen that you could partake in. Let's list 'em...
Inside Out – BBC One – 2.50pm
Pixar animation in which the individual emotions of a young girl take centre stage.
War Horse – RTÉ 2 – 2.55pm
Steven Spielberg's emotional World War I drama in which a horse travels from battlefield to battlefield, profoundly affecting the lives of those it encounters.
Superman II – RTÉ One – 3.25pm
The second one.
Grease – Film4 – 4.45pm
Tell me about it, stud.
The Witches – RTÉ One – 6.25pm
The recent, Anne Hathaway-starring adaptation of Roald Dahl's classic book.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom – Channel 4 – 6.40pm
The second one.
Sister Act – Film4 – 6.55pm
Raucous nun-themed comedy.
Yesterday – BBC One – 7.20pm
Try-hard sludge in which a young musician has an accident, wakes up to learn that he's the only one who remembers The Beatles, and duly rips them off for fame and profit.
Aquaman – ITV2 – 8pm
Over $1 billion at the box office. Who saw that coming?
The Expendables 3 – Turner Classic Movies – 9pm
That'll be the third one.
Deadpool – Film4 – 9pm
Ryan Reynolds bet on himself and won big with this foul-mouthed comic-book adaptation.
Mr & Mrs Smith – Virgin Media One – 9pm
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie discover that their boring marriage is anything but when both learn that the other is a secret agent. Decent action-comedy, though it arguably hasn't aged well.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army – ITV4 – 9pm
Superb sequel from Guillermo Del Toro that boasts incredible practical effects, good humour, a great villain, memorable set pieces and a big 'ol heart. A shame that Del Toro didn't get to finish his trilogy here.
The One – Legend – 9pm
An evil version of Jet Li vows to destroy every single other version of him until only one remains.
The Nice Guys – RTÉ 2 – 9.30pm
Our main choice this evening.
Criminally under-seen comedy crime caper with Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe as a pair of private detectives who are forced to team up with one another to solve a dangerous mystery.
The performances are brilliant, the jokes are constant, the action is exciting – and yet it barely made its money back at the box office so we're almost definitely never getting a sequel and that's the greatest crime of all, you see.
Sexy Beast – Film4 – 11.10pm
Great slow-burn drama in which Ray Winstone is lured back into his criminal ways due to the pressure placed upon him by a truly terrifying Ben Kingsley.
2001: A Space Odyssey – Turner Classic Movies – 11.35pm
There are considerably worse ways to ring in the new year than to be in the company of probably the single greatest science fiction ever constructed.
The Great Gatsby – RTÉ 2 – 11.40pm
I didn't even know this on tonight when I made the reference earlier. DiCaprio/Luhrmann edition, for the record.
Mamma Mia! – RTÉ One – 12.30am
What better way to ring in 2023 than with Pierce Brosnan trying to sing ABBA songs?
Bram Stoker's Dracula – Film4 – 12.55am
Unique, abstract take on the Dracula story, featuring lush visuals, a killer cast, and a shockingly bad accent from Keanu Reeves. We still love ya, Keanu.
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa – BBC Two – 1.35am
Better-than-expected big-screen outing for Steve Coogan's comic creation.
