Face it, you’re a walking dead man.
The first rule of this article; you do not talk about this article. The second rule of this article; you DO NOT talk about this article.
Listen up JOE reader. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You have the same Swedish furniture as everyone else.
Tyler Durden needs members for the next leg of Project Mayhem (taking place in Dublin on June 4th and 5th) and all you need to do to attend the excellent event is register by clicking here: Jameson Cult Film Club Registration.
It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything. Places are limited and your life is ending one minute at a time. Don’t waste any of it. Like the sound of it? I’m Jack’s JOE’s complete lack of surprise. They work on a first come first served basis and on a long enough timeline, the survival rate of everyone drops to zero.
Ahead of the Jameson Cult Film Club’s screening of David Fincher’s Fight Club starring Ed Norton and Brad Pitt, JOE got to talking (and almost to fisticuffs) about who are the Irish men that we’d least like to fight.
That’s right, the ones that we’d least like to fight. For obvious reasons, as you can see from the list below…
Conor McGregor
Not only is he incredibly ripped/toned/shredded but, before even lifting one of his muscular fingers to flatten you, the Notorious MMA will undoubtedly charm the pants off you.
As a result, you’d lose the fight out of sheer embarassment. Because you’ve now got no pants on obviously.
Oh yeah, and he can do this…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZTxDHUu954
Roy Keane
We’re scared even writing this. Sorry Roy. Here’s how the “fight” pans out…
Roy stares at you. You stare back. Roy stares some more. You collapse to the ground in a quivering heap. Roy continues to stare. You cry. A lot.
Game over man, game over.
Michael Fassbender
Whether he’s harnessing the power of the metal all round you, or headbutting you repeatedly with a massive fake head, Fassbender’s going to win any foolish fight you arrange with him. He is, after all, a Spartan-born, Nazi-killing, giant-head-wearing manly man mahine. And yes, we realise that we’re basing all of his (supposed) fighting skills on characters from his movies.
BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT FILMS ARE REAL. Don’t take that away from JOE.
Brian O’Driscoll
What a man. What a legend. If you even thought about swinging a punch at Mr Huberman, you’d have to suffer the wrath of an entire p*ssed off nation, as every able-bodied Irish man, woman and child would jump to Brian O’Driscoll’s defence.
You versus millions of adoring, screaming rugby nuts ? You lose my friend, you lose.
And even if you did manage to land a punch we’re not sure that it would do much damage at all. Not even Paul O’Connell’s knee can stop BOD for BOD’s sake…
Liam Neeson
The man taught Batman. The man taught Obi-Wan Kenobi. And, in case you’d forgotten, if you even say anything bad about his family, friends or even his feckin’ pet goldfish, he will find you and he will… well, you know the rest. You’re dead essentially.
Remember, if you want to join Tyler Durden for the next leg of project mayhem then you can register and apply for tickets by heading over to the Jameson Cult Film Club site here.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
