'Tis the season for sitting on the sofa, gorging yourself on anything and everything, and watching approximately 875 hours straight of Christmas films.
Here at JOE we've prepared the definitive list of festive films for your viewing pleasure. Sex, scotch and Santa – this cinematic selection box has it all.
Happy Chrissamass everyone.
Showgirls Scrooged
1980s Bill Murray is one of the greatest things that man has ever invented. That is a science fact.
And Bill Murray as Frank Cross, an Ebenezer Scrooge-type bitter TV executive in a modernised version of Charles Dickens' 'A Christmas Carol' is an absolutely hilarious must-watch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J11NIQJdO5Q
Home Alone
Two parents and their family abandon their youngest aftershave-wearing child Kevin alone at home, all while two monstrous men attempt to break in and soak all of his belongings.
Will somebody PLEASE stop this madness and call social services!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CK2Btk6Ybm0
Die Hard
Undoubtedly
the greatest action film that is... *takes deep breath*... set at Christmas time and stars Bruce Willis as a bare-footed Officer John McClane rescuing a skyscraper full of hostages from the charmingly villainous Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman).
Of all time.
Ever.
Sure, that may be a niche category, but you have to admit we are right...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qxBXm7ZUTM
Gremlins
Ah, Phoebe Cates. Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe. Cates, Cates, Cates.
This film stars Phoebe Cates and she's great. In fact, she's so great she should have changed her name to Phoebe GREATS.
Brilliant work.
Anyway, this iconic 1984 film will both thrill and terrify you this Christmas, so those sexy new Y-fronts your Granny will inevitably get you as a gift will come in handy as you ploop your pants, all while laughing a lot.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-14d51QTVjo
Bad Santa
Nothing says it's Christmas time like a violent, potty-mouthed, booze-hound of a Santa Claus wishing you a big "Merry fu*k you."
The only Christmas spirit Billy Bob Thornton's perfectly played Bad Santa is interested in is whisky. And lots of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQvaoRScND4
It’s A Wonderful Life
If you've never witnessed the sheer unadulterated joy of Jimmy Stewart's George Bailey at Christmas time then you need to shake the dust off your crummy little feet and see this film.
What do you mean are we crying!? Of course we're not crying! You're crazy, man. That's crazy talk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewe4lg8zTYA
Elf
Speaking of sheer unadulterated joy...
Before he was keeping it classy as everyone's favourite moustachioed Anchorman, Will Ferrell was winning over the most stubborn of seasonal Scrooges in Jon Favreau's fantastic festive flick.
We love this film. You love this film. Everybody loves this film.
And, if you happen to be one of the four people in the world who doesn't love this film, then you're just a big cotton-headed ninnymuggins.
There, we said it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gW9wRNqQ_P8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8XYINNmNqs
The Muppet Christmas Carol
"Light the lamp, not the rat! LIGHT THE LAMP, NOT THE RAT!"
Everything in life automatically becomes a gazillion times better once the Muppets are involved, and Charles Dickens' Christmas classic is no different, as Michael 'you're only supposed to blow the bloody decorations off' Caine plays the part of tight-fisted Scrooge opposite a crackin' Kermit and co.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhpu2tq9GG4
