Noel Gallagher says there's "not a cat in hell's chance" of Oasis reunion happening
"F*cking no way, mate."
It's the gift that no Oasis fan wanted for Christmas; Noel Gallagher has poured fresh cold water on the prospect of a reunion with his brother Liam.
The news should probably come as no major shock given that both Gallagher men have turned publicly sniping at one another into something of an art form, but the elder of the two seems pretty adamant here.
In a new interview with Mojo magazine, Noel responded to a question about whether or not Liam crossed a line with tweets about his wife and family, making it quite clear where he stands.
"Now, it's fucking no way, mate," Noel began.
"Not a cat in hell's chance [Oasis will reform]. At the beginning, I would have said to my management - there's a magic number. If it reaches that magic number, I'll do it. Give me a shout.
"A couple of monster gigs. Even a tour of the big cities, a world tour, stadiums, burn a load of money, buy a yacht and a plane and another new house then go back to what I'm doing. Easy.
"I wouldn't even have to travel with that cunt," he added. "I'd get me own helicopter, dial it in, see you later. That thing about my kids and wife? No way. If I had 50 quid left in my pocket I'd rather go busking. No way, I can't do it."
While there's always been the feeling - one that very much remains even in light of the above quotes - that the brothers Gallagher are indeed holding out for the right time and payday, these latest words definitely don't look good for a blossoming future together.
They're not quite The Smiths (who are never, ever, ever going to reunite so let's just accept that one and move on) but it might take a careful apology from Liam to move things forward at this stage.
Wait, he did what?
‘Not even if the starving children in the world needed it!’ Noel Gallagher 2015
— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) December 19, 2018
Oh. Never mind, then.