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18th May 2016

FEATURE: Assuming suicide when a young person dies is a tragedy in itself

JOE

“I’m ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I immediately assumed it was suicide.”

by Eve Darcy

My brother called me a fortnight ago, on a Saturday afternoon. He asked me if I knew of a certain guy from home, ‘home’ being a village in the West of Ireland. I said that yes, I did know of him.

I asked my brother Simon why he was asking me about him, already having an idea of what he would say next. My brother confirmed my suspicions and informed me that James, the guy from home, had died.

I’m ashamed, and embarrassed, to admit that I immediately assumed suicide.

My ‘sense’ of James was that life had been somewhat unkind towards him, especially in his younger years.

This ‘sense’ was confirmed for me recently when I learned more about him, during the days and now weeks since his passing. I remember him as a kind, honest, make-the-best-of-every-situation, say-it-as-it-is / no bullshit type of person, with the strong sense of empathy one acquires from having endured hurt and grief in their own life.

Depressed young man sitting on chair with face in his hands

I also remember seeing him on nights out. He had the ability to attain a level of ‘craic’ I could only ever dream of.

He was the life and soul of the party. I also have memories of seeing him participate in local hurling matches, where he often decided to opt out of the compulsory helmet wearing rule.

I began observing, in a David Attenborough way, some of the happenings at such gatherings.

It seemed that James wore the helmet on days when he was especially hungover. When the whistle would blow to signal half time, full time, or his substitution, I remember him walking towards the side line, taking off the ‘optional’ helmet and almost immediately lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply, as if parodying a character from ‘The Hardy Bucks.’

Except his actions were entirely devoid of the dramatic irony.

I was always amazed at how well he managed to play on these occasions. He was one of the most likeable people you could meet. I couldn’t quite grasp this news that he was no longer alive.

I then asked my brother how it happened, again, having an idea in my mind of the content of his reply. He said it had been an accident. I was confused. Accidents don’t happen.

Suicide happens.

Simon said James had been found by his girlfriend, who had expected him to collect her when she finished work.

She knew he had been fixing machines earlier that day and assumed he had just fallen asleep on the couch after his day’s work. The accident which took James’s life from him in such an abrupt and vicious manner occurred while he was working earlier that day. It was an entirely freak event.

I sheepishly confessed to my brother some days later that I had assumed James had committed suicide. He admitted that it had also been his first thought.

In addition, it was the immediate assumption of a lot of my friends, many of whom did not know James at all. They just assumed. They heard me begin the ‘news’ by stating that a 30-year-old guy from home had died. They assumed suicide. They assumed a 30-year-old man had taken his own life.

What has happened that this is the automatic and accepted assumption?!!

This immediate and completely automatic reaction I had to the desperately sad news of James’s passing deeply disturbed and puzzled me. I became curious and contemplated it further. I then became aware.

I became aware of my acceptance of suicide.

I became aware of my defeatist, hands-up-in-the-air, ‘shur-what-can-you-do’ attitude towards suicide.

I became aware of my disempowered state in the face of suicide. My fear that we are becoming a disempowered state.

I became aware of my exasperation at the enormity of the problem and prevalence of suicide in Ireland.

I became aware of the uncomfortable feelings the issue of suicide provokes within me.

Ignorance: of not knowing what to do or how to help. Overwhelmed: at the enormity of the problem – no, crisis of suicide in this country. Inadequacy: of services and real programmes of commitment from the ‘higher powers’.

Broken Agreement concept, suitable for many other uses including depression. The word "promise" is torn in two.

I don’t need to quote the figures and statistics representing the inadequacies of the government on matters of mental health in this country. We all know. We know this information too well. They also know.

Saturday 7th May marked the eighth year of Pieta House’s amazing ‘Darkness into Light’ fund and awareness raising event. The positive, collective, extremely special, supportive, as well as hopeful ‘vibes’ generated from this and similar events are truly inspiring. Such events and collective efforts provide real and tangible messages of support to all.

Change with regards to mental and emotional health is obviously needed. I believe it’s happening, really happening now. People are becoming more aware. This is the first step. Much like the ‘Darkness into Light’ event, this journey into mental and emotional awareness and health will be a step by step process.

I believe that this change needs to be both internal (each individual person) and external (collectively, as a society and community). Internal change involves each one of us taking responsibility for ourselves, for our one precious gift of life, for our own mental health and development. This involves being both brave and vulnerable. This involves looking within and owning all the parts to our complex and dynamic selves.

This involves owning the dark and the light parts inside each one of us. The darkness inside us is not something to be fearful or ashamed of. This ‘darkness’, once acknowledged and accepted, can even be transformed into light. It’s time for us all – individually and collectively, internally and externally – to move from Darkness into Light, one small step at a time.

Hopefully then, in time, when one is informed of someone’s unfortunate and untimely passing, the automatic and immediate question will be; ‘What dreadfully freak accident occurred to take this person’s life so suddenly?’ Hopefully, in time, suicide will not be accepted assumption it currently appears to be.

We have the power within ourselves to affect change.

Rest in Peace, James.

Rest in Peace, all those who have died by suicide.

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Eve Darcy is a stand-up comedian currently based in Dublin, who has performed in Vancouver, the UK, as well as regularly around Ireland.

EveDarcy

Eve co-hosts the ‘AFOG Pod’ – a podcast about mental and emotional health. Eve also recently performed her own solo show about mental & emotional health, entitled ‘Arousal & Valence’ in Dublin’s Smock Alley Theatre and will soon be performing an extended version in the Harbour Playhouse Theatre (June 23, 24, 25) entitled ‘When Anxiety Goes Berserk.’

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Topics:

Mental Health