Trust us, these will all help you get by in your first week in college…
The start of any college year will always bring new challenges, pressures and opportunities to make some new mates. JOE was immensely popular in college because we were just like Will Ferrell in Old School… but with funkier hair and a leopard skin leotard.
To all you college newbies, if you need a bit more money then you can always open, and use, a current account with KBC and get €100 lodged into your account. Trust us, it will definitely come in handy.
With Freshers’ Week coming up, we’ve decided to pass on our ten ‘never fail’ sentences to help you become an instant college icon.
1) “Go that sports team”
We can’t stress the importance in college of 1) actually knowing your sport or 2) having enough interest/cop-on to pretend like you actually care about sport, especially around lads.
Endless college nights will be spent discussing who was better; Sexton or O’Gara, Man Utd’s team of ’99 or Arsenal’s Invincibles of ’04, and finally the ultimate issue, Marty Morrissey or Michael Lyster.
2) “Week-old pizza is grand to have for breakfast”
You were given a microwave in your apartment for a reason. Pizza, spaghetti and tea make up the holy trinity of any ‘healthy’ college diet.
3) “Your iPod is deadly”
Lets face facts, if your room-mate only listens to Iranian banjo music circa 1974, then it’s highly unlikely that they will become your ‘gig fweeeeeeend’.
We always find that our best mates have a similar looking iPod to our own. If needs be, delete those guilty pleasures on your iPod… apart from C’est La Vie by B*witched of course. That’s an all-time classic.
4) “I’m going to the shop, does anyone want something picked up?”
From the moment that you utter these famous words, your friends will forever picture you as nothing but a walking shopping trolley that can speak.
JOE’s readers are so much more than this but hey, people like trolleys. They hold stuff.
Clip via – Fun Compilations
5) “My mate actually works in the college canteen”
If you have a friend that works in the college canteen or even a cafe that’s near your home, then you can consider yourself to be a mixture of Jesus Christ, Chuck Norris, Ron Burgundy and Brian O’Driscoll in college AKA a god. Trust us, you’re guaranteed free beans with every meal…
6) “Na, I’m not going to take part in that eating contest”
Speaking of copious amounts of beans… JOE is fairly certain that no President of Ireland has ever entered themselves into a ‘eat your own weight in sausages’ contest. We need to do some research on that one.
7) “No way! I didn’t study for my Leaving Cert either”
Even if you did get 7,450 points in the Leaving Cert, never EVER admit that you studied for your secondary school exams.
People will know that you’re smart anyway because your chosen subject of ‘Rocket Science through Hebrew whilst secretly deciphered in Binary Code’ is a tough one to get into.
Clip via – calmaccer
8) “Of course I want to go out”
College is about having fun and enjoying yourself therefore we’re 100% certain that no great story has ever started with the words “So I stayed in over the weekend…”.
The only people that stay in on Friday and Saturday night are your grandparents and Ryan Tubridy so make sure you get out there.
9) “Yeah, I’ll join the college GAA team”
Everyone will join a club at some point so you might as well join one that you’re actually interested in.
No matter how good looking ‘that’ girl/guy/mature student is, there is no point in joining the Team Edward Society… unless they are giving away free pizza. We’d sign our life away for a free slice of pepperoni.
10) “Na, I can’t stay up all night watching hilarious YouTube clips of cats repeatedly falling over, I have a 9am class”
The best way to make new mates is by actually attending your classes and lectures. Boring we know, but JOE made some of our best life long friends in college and they can all be relied upon for money, help, friendship, ehh, why do we know these people again?
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
