It’s back.
That grand stretch you’re seeing in the evenings means that two of our favourite things are nearly upon us: the return of Game of Thrones for a sixth season and the return of the GAA Championship.
Combining our love for GAA with our positively nerdy passion for the literary and visual versions of Game of Thrones, we’ve assigned each county with a house that would reflect their status if the GAA was transported to Westeros, where the fields are often bleaker than Waterford’s Fraher Field on a cold November day.
By Paul ‘Sword of The Morning’ Moore, Conor ‘Kingslayer’ Heneghan and Paddy ‘The Onion Knight’ McKenna
The Kingdom of Ulster
Donegal – House Greyjoy
Book Motto: “We do not sow”
County Motto: Mutuam habeatis caritatem
Life is tough and uncompromising in the Iron Islands and the Greyjoys care not for what others may think of the way they go about implementing their rule.
Deemed weaker than usual now that Lord McGuinness has crossed the narrow sea to Celtic, but despite an ageing army reliant on a few key generals, Lord Gallagher will be keen to reclaim what was theirs but three years ago.
Armagh – House Bolton
Book Motto: “Our blades are sharp”
County Motto: None
Probably the most aggressive house in the four kingdoms, their fondness for flaying was rekindled last year when a few unseemly rows broke out in the pre-battle parade before fighting even commenced.
With Lord McGeeney at the helm, House Bolton are certainly there to be feared once more.
Tyrone – House Frey
Book Motto: No motto
County Motto: Consilio et Prudentia
The ‘nouveau riche’ house of the four kingdoms, House Frey’s rise to power was swift and attracted plenty of criticism along the way.
The criticism was loudest in the south-west, where Lord Spillane decried the ‘puke strategy’ House Frey used in battle.
Monaghan – House Clegane
Book Motto: No motto
County Motto: Dúthracht agus Dícheall
They may not the most well known house in the realm but this hasn’t stopped them from punching, fighting and beating , in a very literal sense, some of the bigger and more established houses.
In last years Ulster Championship, Monaghan were The Mountain while Tyrone/Armagh met the same fate of Oberyn Martell.
Derry – House Seaworth
Motto: No Motto
County Motto: Auxilium A Domino
It has been 22 years since Derry were the GAA football kings of Ireland but they’ve frequently maintained a seat at the top table of the realm.
Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham) is loyal, committed but destined to remain a supporting player that lies just marginally outside of being a key-man in Westeros, the same could be said for Brian McIver’s charges though.
This still doesn’t detract from their skill on the field or ability to land a killer blow when required.
Down – The Wildlings
Motto: No motto
County Motto: Absque Labore Nihil
While the more established houses in The North try to maintain the status-quo, there’s always a dangerous and unpredictable threat that’s posed by a sleeping giant.
It has been over 20 years since the Mournemen last ruled the land and like the Wildlings they can be unpredictable at times. Down capitulated against Kildare and Tyrone last year in the championship but still managed to beat Armagh and Donegal in the league.
Cavan – House Tarly
Book Motto: No motto
County Motto: Feardhacht is Fírinne
House Tarly is famous for being rich in land and possessing a strong keep so our minds instantly turned to Cabra Castle but there’s many more reasons.
You can’t help but admire the pluck, integrity and decency of Samwell Tarly as he proved that brains can sometimes triumph over brawn.
Breffni manager Terry Hyland has implemented a smart gameplan that gives his team a fighting chance against some of the more established counties in the realm of Ulster and their march to the semi-finals in 2013 earned them respect, just like Sam did when he killed that White Walker.
Fermanagh – House Hodor
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Feor Magh Eanagh
No one knows what house Hodor is from, much like no one expects anything from Fermanagh when it comes to the football championship.
The Erne County have never won an Ulster title and are usually just there to prop up some of the key players, just like Hodor does with Bran.
We’re reliably informed that Peter McGrath’s teamtalk is direct and simple, he just says”Hodor, Hodor, Hodor”.
Antrim – The Night’s Watch
Book Motto: Night gathers, and now my watch begins.
County Motto: Per angusta ad augusta
Much like Watchers on The Wall, the footballers of Antrim are located in the most northern region of Ireland and constantly adopt the status of underdogs in a region that’s swarming with dangerous adversaries.
The odds are constantly stacked against them and they’re occasionally lacking in firepower, strength of depth and size, however, they frequently rise to the occasion against the so called bigger opponents.
Plus they have the Giant’s Causeway and we all know that The Night’s Watch have some experience when it comes to handling giants.
The Kingdom of Munster
Cork – House Tyrell
Book Motto: “Growing Strong”
County Motto: None
Hailing from the South of Westeros, this is a family that consider their home of Highgarden the land’s true cultural hub – a real capital after King’s Landing.
The Knight of Flowers, Ser Loras Tyrell, is a young, deadly, fearless warrior (much more so in the books that the TV show), which brings to mind Alan Cadogan.
Kerry – House Tully
Motto: Family, duty, honour
County Motto: Comhar, Cabhair, Cairdeas
One of the oldest and most admired houses in the four kingdoms, tradition has always been paramount in House Tully, whose members would always play down their importance with frequent use of the word ‘yerra’.
The tactics employed by other houses may soon force House Tully to realise that tradition will only get them so far, but Lord Fitzmaurice is proving a more than capable leader to date.
Tipperary – House Baelish
Book Motto: No motto
County Motto: None
Used to being overshadowed by greater houses around them, House Baelish are slowly, surely and quietly starting to threaten the pre-eminence of the two power-houses in the south.
These players have been starved of success but perhaps the big-time isn’t that far away, particularly after their young knights enjoyed a famous victory over House Cork in the Munster U-21 final this week.
Limerick – House Tarth
Motto: No motto
County Motto: Cuimhnigh ar Luimneach
Proud, combative but most importantly, independently-minded, the Tarth’s are a shrewd judge of character who once refused to pay homage to the slightly unhinged Stannis Baratheon.
Just try to tell a footballer (or hurler) from Limerick that they should fall in line and accept a position of subservience in the realm of Munster.
You would get your ass kicked like The Hound when he crossed Brienne.
Clare – House Thorne
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Dílis d’ar nOidreacht
This house is tough, really tough.
We can’t help but draw comparisons between Ser Podge Collins and the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, Ser Alliser Thorne.
Both men have served under two regimes and in two armies. For Collins it’s Clare hurlers and now Clare footballers; for Lord Commander Thorne, the Targaryens and now The Night’s Watch.
Waterford – House Reed
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Déisi oc Declán co Bráth
Having never won an All-Ireland football title, Waterford are less powerful Munster house, subservient (in football anyway) to the bigger houses and regimes.
House Reed are descendants of the Crannógmen (yep, there’s some Gaelige in GoT!) who are come from the Riverlands, a good fit for the Waterford men.
They boast magical powers and House Waterford will need something like that to land their first Munster title since 1898.
The Kingdom of Leinster
Dublin – House Lannister
Book Motto: Hear Me Roar and a Lannister Always Pays His Debts
County Motto: Beart do réir ár mbriathar
Confident, loud but the biggest and most successful (in recent years) family in the realm.
Hard to love but must be respected because they rule the Leinster roost. Their motto is ‘Hear Me Roar’ which is exactly what the Hill hopes it will be doing from May until September.
Have a few debts to pay to Kerry and Donegal men this summer.
Offaly – House Arryn
Book Motto: As High as Honour
County Motto: Esto Fidelis
Formerly one of the greatest houses of the four kingdoms, once regularly bumped shoulders with the most prominent families, quite literally when Lord Seamus Darby bumped Tommy Doyle in their most famous hour in 1982.
Now, they have retreated into the wilderness and show few signs of a resurgence and don’t have a hope in hell of knocking House Lannister/Dublin off their lofty perch, even if the small council could get them to play a Championship match outside of King’s Landing.
Meath – House Targaryen
Book Motto: Fire and Blood
County Motto: Tré Neart le Chéile
With wily old Lord Boylan at the helm, the Targaryens once struck fear into the entire four kingdoms and ruled the roost for ages until the introduction of the backdoor system in Westeros around the turn of the millennium.
Now somewhat wild and certainly unpredictable, they have the element of surprise and won’t be afraid to use fire or spill blood in an assault on King’s Landing in the near future.
Kilkenny – White Walkers
Book Motto : None
County Motto: None
The White Walkers are set apart because they are not human and they live outside the realm, far beyond the wall.
Kilkenny footballers are also outside of the realm, in fact they’re unique in being the only county not to field a team in the National Football League.
Of course, if this was about hurling houses, the fearsome army of White Walkers would still apply.
Brian Cody’s men strike fear into the hearts of men all over the realm and the Cats have a single purpose in mind, total domination of the hurling realm.
Kildare – The Dothraki
Book Motto: Blood of my Blood
County Motto: Meanma agus Misneach
Horses, horses and more horses.
We could very well picture Khal Drogo winning a race at the Curragh and maybe Jason Ryan might be basing his tactics on the horselords of Westeros, counter-attacking speed coupled with devastating firepower.
We’re fairly certain that the Lilywhite players don’t have a fear of the sea or eat a horse’s heart as part of their pre-match meal.
We will look into this.
Laois – House Moore
Book Motto: None
County Motto: I bpáirt leis an bpobal
It’s only logical that the O’Moore county should be affiliated with a house of it’s own name. In the novels, the Moore’s swear fealty to their neighbours the Arryns (Offaly in this list) so there’s a nice synergy there.
Also, the most famous moment involving a Moore in the books came when Ser Mandon Moore tried to kill Tyrion Lannister (he’s from Dublin in our view) during the Battle of Blackwater.
We reckon a fair few Laois people might also dislike the Dublin football team due to their dominance of the realm in the last decade.
Westmeath – House Mormont
Book Motto: Here We Stand
County Motto: Triath ós Triathaibh
An old, proud, and honourable house that seems to have something of a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome about it.
House Mormont was a promising, emerging force but all that was cast aside by the treachery of the exiled Jorah Mormont, the trusted advisor to Daenerys, who was proven to be a spy.
Westmeath, a division one team in 2014, are also coming apart, now back in division 3 after consecutive relegations.
Wicklow – House Gardener
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Meanma Saor
What else would the Garden County be?
Sadly it’s an extinct house, some jokers might say that Wicklow’s chances of provincial success are similar, but there was a time when they reigned supreme.
Somehow we don’t see the footballers of Wicklow taking revenge.
Louth – House Umber
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Lugh sáimh-ioldánach
Hardy, tough and loyal to the very end, this house also lies extremely close to a northern border, The Wall.
The Wee County and this house also share an unfortunate similarity, the Umbers are still trying to forget about the Red Wedding massacre while Louth want to forget about that infamous 2010 Leinster football final.
Longford – House Payne
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Daingean agus Dílis
Podrick Payne, the most famous patron of House Payne is trustworthy and brave in the face of danger, but his problem is that no one really takes his house seriously.
With just one Leinster Senior Championship title, it’s hard to dislike Longford but they don’t keep anyone awake at night either. Okay, maybe House Arryn/Offaly, who they face in the Leinster Championship opening joust.
Carlow – The Giants
Book Motto: None
County Motto: None
We’re moving slightly outside the realms of GAA here and basing this all on the fact that Sean O’Brien is an absolute beast of a man that can lay waste to 5 people at once.
Westeros would be proud of team called the Fighting Cocks, who O’Brien togged out to play Junior B football for last summer.
Unlike the giants of Westeros, we’re unsure if all people from Carlow are ten to twelve feet in height, can rip the iron from gates or if their eyesight is awful.
Wexford – House Uller
House Motto: None
County Motto: Le croí agus lámh
Of course we had to opt for a House that’s from the sunny realm of Dorne, sure Wexford is the Irish Riviera. While Uller may not be one of the more well known houses their history is extremely interesting.
The death of Elaria is the reason why Prince Oberyn came to King’s Landing seeking revenge while this house have been described as “half of the Ullers are half-mad, and the other half are worse”.
We can neither confirm nor deny if this is true about the Wexford panel this year.
The Kingdom of Connacht
Mayo – House Stark
Book Motto: Winter is coming
County Motto: Dia is Muire Linn
How much tragedy and heartache can one family take?
Winter has been coming for House Mayo since 1951 and it seems it will never end…
Roscommon – House Baratheon
Book Motto: Ours is the fury
County Motto: Constans Hiberniae Cor
Not as established as some of the great houses in the four kingdoms, but though they don’t go back as far, they’re certainly making up for lost time and their under-age armies have been enjoying plenty of success on the battlefield in regional jousts.
They have plenty of history with House Stark (Mayo) and you get the sense that it could really boil over very soon.
Galway – House Martell
Book Motto: Unbowed, unbent, unbroken
County Motto: Ceart agus Cóir
Cast off somewhat from the rest of the four kingdoms, House Martell have always been known for having a bit of style, for looking good and for causing envious glances from those around them.
Their role in the bigger picture has been somewhat muted in recent years, but they nearly always make an impact when they travel to King’s Landing and they could do with making more than an occasional visit.
Sligo – House Karstark
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Tír na Dúil Chroí ar
A vessel of House Stark (Mayo) the two families, like the neighbouring counties, have a lot of similarities but they differ also.
The men are typically described as big, fierce, bearded and long-haired, so that pretty much sums up Keelan Cawley.
Just like the Yeats county, house Karstark’s colours are also black and white but a word of caution, anyone that has read the books will know that treachery is a foot.
Here’s hoping that Niall Carew has a solid grip on his panel.
Leitrim – House Hollard
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Táimid go h-iontach
With just one surviving member, House Hollard is Game of Thrones’ smallest family.
We’d like to say that that member is brave, fearless and a winner but Ser Dontos Hollard is the court jester, and not a very good one.
Leitrim GAA fans have had little to smile about in recent years, maybe their new Lord Shane Ward can bring some more credibility to the realm’s smallest house.
London – House Selmy
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Na Deoraithe
Not one of the more renowned houses in the realm, their main protagonist is currently in exile serving Daenerys Targaryen’s Queensguard.
The Exiles, like Ser Barristan Selmy, have proven their worth on foreign soil, particularly in recent years.
New York – The Unsullied
Book Motto: None
County Motto: An Úll Mór
A silent, foreign army that we don’t often hear much from.
The Unsullied are fearsome warriors but they are said to get lazy if they are not tested in battle. Without proper tests, New York are always caught cold in their annual outing.
We couldn’t leave this article without including a nod to our own house.
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