There’s the final whistle.
Ireland have emerged with some credit after a shocking first 50 minutes.
However, we’ve still lost the second half 28-21. And that puts things in some sort of perspective.
That try set a new record – highest points total ever conceded by Ireland in a Test match against New Zealand.
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 66-28 IRELAND
Normal service resumed. If New Zealand were dire for the last half hour, that was dire by Ireland. Tom Court with a wet-paper-bag tackle on Sam Whitelock and the big second row gets over for his second try of the game.
TRY FOR IRELAND – NZ 59-28 IRELAND
Gordon D’Arcy gets in for Ireland’s fourth. New Zealand will win by 30-odd points but strangely, they will have questions to answer. They’ve been dreadful for the last half hour.
Tony Buckley catches a ball at a line-out. Without jumping. The All Black produced champagne stuff for the first 50 minutes but the fizz has gone out of them now.
There’s an Aussie TMO. Hopefully he’ll be lenient on us – Trimble deserves it…
…but he doesn’t get it. “I’d be distraught,” says the Welshman in the commentary box. He said it was a good winger’s try, so I’m guessing it’s Ieuan Evans and not Scott Quinnell.
Trimble did well. Had to go low and slide over and it looks like he just about made it. Decision pending…
Looks like it’s another try for Ireland. Andrew Trimble in the corner. It’s gone upstairs…
Ten minutes left in New Plymouth and Geordan Murphy, Jonny Sexton and Eoin Reddan are on for Ireland. Can they turn it around? My finger-nails are gnawed to the stub…
The margin of victory record (53 points) should not be threatened but the most points conceded to New Zealand in a Test match could go. It stands from 1997, when the All Blacks won 63-15 at Lansdowne Road.
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 59-21 IRELAND
Neemiu Tialata between the posts. Took a quick tap penalty five metres out and carried David Wallace, Tony Buckley and David Wallace over the line with him. The Irish lads won’t be happy with that.
TRY FOR IRELAND – NZ 52-21 IRELAND
And we have another. Ireland turn over the ball five metres out but Tommy Bowe intercepts Richie McCaw’s casual pass and darts over unattended for Ireland’s third. At least a new record looks unlikely now.
Nice big hit from Andrew Trimble on livewire full back Israel Dagg. Trimble hasn’t thrown in the towel either.
TRY FOR IRELAND – NZ 52-14 IRELAND
But not this time. Brian O’Driscoll touches down, good work from D’Arcy and a brilliant little offload by Tony Buckley. It’s been a strange night/morning for Ireland but Buckley will deserve any plaudits that come his way.
Ireland going through the phases eight or ten metres from the All Blacks line. This is when we have to be careful…
Aaron Cruden on for New Zealand. A first cap for the IRB Young Player of the Year, who has already had battles with tuberculosis and testicular cancer. This Ireland team should be easy after that.
It’s 52-7 with 52 minutes gone. Could we have an 80-point game?
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 52-7 IRELAND
Whitelock does a Tuohy and scores within a few seconds of coming on. It’s as easy as it gets. “This is a canter for New Zealand,” says Scott Quinnell in the commentary box. It’s been a canter for a long time, Scott.
Sam Whitelock for New Zealand. Brad Thorn off. Can you think of a more aptly named sportsman than Sam Whitelock? He’s white, and he’s a lock.
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 45-7 IRELAND
Ireland have a few darts inside the New Zealand 22. But whenever Ireland have been down there, New Zealand have scored, and they’ve done it again. Turnover ball, a couple of quick passes, Corey Jane sprints down the right wing (past sole defender big Dan Tuohy) and releases Conrad Smith for a simple finish. Back into the point-a-minute territory.
Andrew Trimble has done a few good things too. After that we’re struggling. Jamie Heaslip made an impression. Hweh, hweh, hweh…
Tony Buckley has been one of the few men in green to impress tonight. That’s what the Sky commentators say anyway. So, as I’ve been dumbed down to within an inch of my life, that’s what I think too.
Piri Weepu is on for New Zealand. Cowan off.
We’re back on.
From agreeing with Paul Wallace to shaking your head at his folly. Jamie Heaslip’s actions were absolutely inexcusable. Kneeing someone in the head might be alright in UFC but not in rugby. Wallace said we couldn’t really see what was going on.
“Made the right call” – Sean Fitzpatrick.
“No defence” – Michael Lynagh.
“In his defence, you can’t see what he actually kneed. He has an impeccable disciplinary record. I’d imagine there was a New Zealand player but it was difficult to see.” – Paul Wallace.
No it wasn’t, Paul. The only thing difficult to see was which New Zealand player was on the end of it. Red card, all day, all night.
Paul Wallace in the studio says Ireland were way off colour even before the red and yellow cards. Would tend to agree. Rob Kearney’s cock-up for the opening try and Ronan O’Gara missing touch from a penalty happened long before Heaslip’s red.
There’s the half-time whistle. Ireland have conceded five tries (Conrad Smith, Kieran Read, Ben Franks, Jimmy Cowan x 2) and Dan Tuohy’s reply is as much consolation as a rub of your tool after you’ve been kicked in the stones.
Back in a few minutes.
TRY FOR IRELAND- NZ 38-7 IRELAND
Something to shout about. Dan Tuohy, on the field a few seconds as a replacement for the injured Mick O’Driscoll (the Statue of Liberty comment was unfair, if he was injured), runs through untouched.
Ireland’s record defeat to New Zealand is 59-6 from Wellington in 1992. Surely we’ll see that record go today?
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 38-0 IRELAND
And another one. Shocking, shocking, shocking stuff. Carter attacks from inside his own half goes past Mick O’Driscoll and Tomas O’Leary, who were doing mighty fine impressions of the Statue of Liberty, Kieran Read keeps the ball alive, Anthon Boric finds Cowan and he’s over for his second try in the space of a few minutes.
John Muldoon goes off with an injury. Shane Jennings on. 31-0 after 32 minutes. Never thought I’d see the day. Imagine what it’d be like if Eamon Ryan introduces free rugby and Ireland lose the Sky silver? We may have to get used to stuff like this.
“You are wide awake,” says commentator Mark Robson. “You are not in the middle of a nightmare.”
The Irish guys out on the field are, Mark. There’s no nightmare worse than one which is real.
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 31-0 IRELAND
And now it does get past the point-a-minute mark. Israel Dagg takes a brilliant line and frees Jimmy Cowan for a run behind the posts. Two more for Carter. Shocking stuff.
And two more for Carter. No fuss.
TRY FOR NEW ZEALAND – NZ 24-0 IRELAND
Prop Ben Franks on his debut. The gap extends to 22 points. There’s less than half an hour gone. Almost a point a minute so far.
This could be another one. New Zealand get over the line and Wayne Barnes goes to the Television Match Official. “Any reason I can’t award the try?” he asks. Sounds ominous.
And it gets even worse – Ronan O’Gara gets yellow for blatantly tackling Corey Jane without the ball. Jimmy Cowan touched down but the try was disallowed for aknock-on, hence O’Gara’s punishment. Down to 13 now.
Down to 14 men. In New Zealand. With an inexperienced front row after John Hayes became the umpteenth name on the absent list. How bad can this get?
TRY NEW ZEALAND – NZ 17-0 IRELAND
Play switches to the left wing and number 8 Kieran Read eventually touches down. Carter converts from the left wing to pass the 1000-point barrier in Test rugby.
O’Gara fails to find touch from a penalty for the second successive time. This has been the most disastrous 20 minutes for Irish rugby. NZ counter and Israel Dagg and Joe Rokocoko – who swats Rob Kearney aside like an insignificant little house-fly – come close down the right wing.
RED CARD FOR JAMIE HEASLIP
Two deliberate knees to the head, says Wayne Barnes. Straight reds are rare in rugby, but the Sky commentators agree that Heaslip’s actions were inexcusable. There was a New Zealand forward stuck in the middle of the ruck but Heaslip’s methods of removing him crossed the boundaries. Impossible task now for Ireland.
Gordon D’Arcy jinks but is taken down about half a yard from the line. Something happened in the mix there – plenty of shemozzling…
Decent response from Ireland. Half-breaks from Trimble and O’Gara and suddenly Ireland are camped three metres out…
TRY NEW ZEALAND – NZ 10-0 IRELAND
Horrendous error from Rob Kearney gifts the try to Conrad Smith. Sean Cronin turned over the ball inside the New Zealand half, Smith led the counter for New Zealand but his kick ahead didn’t look too threatening. Kearney dived on it – but it hit his knee, bounced over the goal-line and Smith followed up for a simple try. Carter adds two.
This could get nasty.
Better from Ireland. We’ve got a few touches and taken the play well into the All Blacks half. A grubber kick from ROG puts Israel Dagg under pressure but NZ clear their lines.
PENALTY FOR CARTER – NZ 3-0 IRELAND
It just showed a replay of Tony Buckley’s tackle on Richie McCaw. He dumped the best player in the world on his ass. That’ll do his confidence no harm. Carter lands the kick. 3-0.
Scrum wasn’t bad but Heaslip was swallowed up as soon as he picked up at the rear. Luckily, the NZ players came over the top and Ireland get a penalty … from which ROG fails to find touch. Cardinal error, as banal pundits and myself would say. Hands in the ruck, and the All Blacks have a penalty at the 10-metre line, in front of the posts.
They’re spreading it wide left and right, but we have a knock-on in the tackle. Think it was the heavy-weight new cap in the centre, Benson Stanley, who spilled it. Now, first scrum. Another test for the Irish pack.
NZ have settled very quickly. Going through the phases. Everyone seems to have got a touch already. Everyone in black, that is.
First line-out for Ireland, and it’s inside our own 22. Sean Cronin does the business, finding Jamie Heaslip safely. The pack are going to be under serious pressure today.
We’re under way in New Plymouth. I now know Ireland are playing in New Plymouth at next year’s World Cup but I hadn’t even heard of New Plymouth before this week. Apologies to any New Plymothians tuning in.
In further team news, Tom Court is the man to replace Buckley among the Irish replacements. Wayne Barnes is the referee – he was famously the man in charge when the All Blacks bowed out of the 2007 World Cup at the hands of France. Can lightning strike twice?
Pir Weepu – the scariest scrum half in the world – is leading the Haka. Weepu doesn’t start, but he’s already played his part.
Welcome along to Paraic from Limerick, who’s been in touch with us at [email protected]. He’s keeping his fingers crossed that big Mushy Buckley can do the business after his late addition to the team in place of the ill John Hayes. You can also contact us at twitter.com/manstuffjoe.
From bad to worse. The New Zealand one is being sung by a bad karaoke act. Get off the stage.
Four lads in Irish scarfs, who answer to the name of Shaskeen Reel, are belting out “Ireland’s Call”. Shaskeen Reel? Four tenners would have been more on the money.
If you fancy a couple of scene-setters before kick-off, you could check out JOE’s interview with John Muldoon, the Connacht captain who starts at blind-side flanker today. We also have a profile of Aaron Cruden, the young Hurricanes out-half who could make his All Blacks debut today having recovered from cancer.
So, teams:
New Zealand: 15 Israel Dagg, 14 Cory Jane, 13 Conrad Smith, 12 Benson Stanley, 11 Joe Rokocoko, 10 Daniel Carter, 9 Jimmy Cowan, 8 Kieran Read, 7 Richie McCaw (c), 6 Jerome Kaino, 5 Anthony Boric, 4 Brad Thorn, 3 Owen Franks, 2 Keven Mealamu, 1 Ben Franks.
Ireland: 15 Rob Kearney, 14 Tommy Bowe, 13 Brian O’Driscoll (c), 12 Gordon D’Arcy, 11 Andrew Trimble, 10 Ronan O’Gara, 9 Tomas O’Leary, 8 Jamie Heaslip, 7 David Wallace, 6 John Muldoon, 5 Mick O’Driscoll, 4 Donncha O’Callaghan, 3 Tony Buckley, 2 Sean Cronin, 1 Cian Healy.
0819:
And news has just broken that John Hayes has had to pull out through illness. “In the captain’s run yesterday he felt his strength wasn’t up to Test match level,” says Declan Kidney.
Tony “Mushy” Buckley comes into the side in his place. Suddenly the Irish front row looks seriously wet behind the ears – Buckley, Sean Cronin and Cian Healy will be facing up to the All Blacks scrum.
With all things World Cup, this one has crept up on a lot of people. If you’re out there, let us know. The office is empty, except for yours truly. Please let me know I’m not in this alone…
Ireland attempt, for the 23rd time, to beat the All Blacks. It hasn’t happened yet, with just one draw from the previous 22 over the last 100-odd years. Can it happen today? We’re up against it, with the likes of Paul O’Connell, Jerry Flannery, Rory Best, Stephen Ferris, Denis Leamy, Kevin McLaughlin, Fergus McFadden and Keith Earls all ruled out through injury.
New Zealand have three new caps in full back Israel Dagg, centre Ben Stanley and prop Ben Franks.
