Before we play the new FIFA, there are some things we need to clarify.
FIFA 19 has just been released, and we, along with millions of gamers around the world, are very happy about it.
FIFA games always attract a buzz, but this game in particular feels different.
There are loads of new modes that just seem perfect for having a bit of craic with your mates.
Here are just some of the new options in the new game you can avail of if you want to break from tradition a little:
- Next goal wins
- Goals from outside the box count as two
- Headers and volleys count as two
- Every time you score you get a man sent off
- Champions League mode
Add them to the wide variety of deadly modes that already exist, and it looks like we’ve got ourselves a top quality game on our hands.
So naturally, we’re pretty damn excited.
But we feel we have to clear some things up before anyone even thinks about playing a game.
Before you take on any of your mates, here are some rules that you simply have to follow.
1. Team management is a necessity
Anyone who tells you otherwise is a filthy liar.
How many games have you watched where you’ve thought ‘that game was won in the dressing room’.
Tactics are key. They are what separate the men from the boys.
If you know one of those people who really quickly presses ‘play now’ instead of sliding across to ‘team management’, you should keep a really close eye on them. Something isn’t right there…
2. But don’t take the piss
Like we said, team management is important. But there’s a line.
There is absolutely no need to move each individual player into the exact position you want them to start the game in. We’re not talking about selecting a player at right-back or central midfield here; we’re talking about actually dragging every player into a specific area of the virtual pitch before the whistle even blows.
And selecting your vice-captain is just pointless.
Know your boundaries.
3. No peeking at penalties
Obviously.
What is wrong with you? Who hurt you in your life that led you to peek at another person’s controller while they’re taking a penalty? Did Zinedine Zidane tell Gianluigi Buffon he was going to dink it down the middle in the 2006 World Cup Final?
Of course he didn’t. It’s not right. You’re not right.
Naturally, the person taking the penalty is going to hide the controller from you a bit, but they shouldn’t have to. Have some respect.
4. No phones
There is nothing more annoying than someone who is constantly on their phone throughout an entire game of FIFA; surely nothing is more important in that moment than what’s on the screen in front of you?
We’re sure the person you’re texting will wait for you.
5. Replays
This is a bit of a grey area.
Replays come in handy when someone has just scored an absolute cracker, or if the ref has got a call terribly wrong, but don’t be that guy who wants to see absolutely everything over and over again…
The ref is not biased against you. And looking at the replays won’t help either way.
And there’s definitely no reason to look at five different slow-motion angles of a penalty.
6. No pausing
We’ve all been there.
You’re on the counter-attack, ready to pick out a beautiful 40-yard pass to your striker. He’ll be through on goal, and you won’t miss a chance like that.
But out of nowhere the game is stopped. Your opponent wants to make a substitution, or so he tells you…
You’re convinced it was a ploy to disrupt your rhythm, which it definitely would.
This is not on.
7. If your opponent leaves the room, don’t mess with their team.
Admittedly, this is hilarious.
The person you’re playing against has to go to the bathroom, so you do the honourable thing and stick his winger in goal, his keeper in midfield and sub off his best player.
Actually, this really is gas. Definitely do this.
8. Apologies
If you are beaten comfortably by your opponent, then apologise.
Anything more than five goals should suffice.
You don’t have to do any Facebook posts or anything like that. Just a face-to-face apology, with full eye contact.
9. Don’t gloat too much
It’s easy to lose the run of yourself after scoring a screamer on FIFA.
A rush of blood goes to your head and you whip out every celebration that you have in your arsenal.
But be careful, FIFA is a fickle game. Your decision to gloat will almost definitely come back to bite you on the ass.
10. Don’t sim your games
This one applies to the few of us who still indulge in manager mode.
Although Ultimate Team has become the most popular feature these days, manager mode still has its qualities.
Taking a League One side to the mountaintop of English football is one of the most fulfiling things you can do in your gaming career, and will give you permission to talk with full confidence about how Manchester United should set up when you’re watching them in the pub.
But none of this counts if you simulate half of your bloody games.
The achievement lies in being able to perform game after game, knowing which of your players have 90 minutes in them, and proving that you have it in you yourself.
Sim if you must, but just know that we are judging you…
