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20th Dec 2012

Apocalypse How? 10 ways the world could end

Tomorrow is December 21, 2012, and unless you've been living under a rock you'll know that tomorrow is supposed to be the 'end of the world'. So how is it going to happen?

Oisin Collins

Tomorrow is December 21, 2012, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you’ll know that tomorrow is supposed to be the ‘end of the world’. So how is it going to happen?

Have you stocked up on bottled water, tinned fruits and enough powdered dinners to last you until forever? If not, you better head down to the supermarket, spend your life savings (cash will be useless in a post-apocalyptic society anyway) and get back to your lead lined bomb shelter before it’s too late. Now, chances are this ‘end of the world’ nonsense is just… nonsense, but just in case it’s not, here are ten ways the world might end.

1. God and The Four Horsemen

You may know a bit about the Book of Revelation in the bible. Then again, you probably know nothing about it at all. Basically, it describes the end of the world, with stars falling from heaven, pissed off angels, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and the second coming of Christ. If the world is going to end like this then you might want to prepare with a rosary or two now.

2. Aliens

The Mayans were a smart bunch; their calendar has been fairly accurate up until now, so who’s to say they didn’t know about aliens that landed many moons ago? We recently learned that a star close to earth known as Tau Ceti has planets orbiting in the ‘habitable’ zone around the star, so there could well be aliens living on it. An invasion might also help to explain what the hell was going on in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

3. Robots

As humans we have a fascination for all things robotic, especially when it’s a robot that acts like a human. There are already ‘humanoid’ robots created by the likes of Honda over in Japan, and the Irish robotic football team is actually quite good, so maybe they’ve finally figured out how to get the upper hand on us meat bags.

4. Global warming

Ha, yeah right. Kittens will kills us quicker.

5. Nuclear disaster

A nuclear disaster is a very real possibility in this day and age. Thankfully, there isn’t a massive nuclear plant big enough to destroy the world in one fell swoop, but if the planets aligned in the right way it might set off a chain reaction that would see survivors walking around with extra limbs. Handy for super-quick games of table tennis.

6. Asteroid impact

It’s happened before – it could happen again. Remember the dinosaurs? No, you don’t and that’s our point.

7. World War 3

International tensions could very well lead to the demise of the planet. Does anyone know what exactly North Korea sent up into space not too long ago? It could be the first piece of a secret North Korean Death Star being assembled above our heads. Who knows? Kim Jong-un would be a shite Darth Vader, though…

8. Black holes

Black holes swallow everything in their paths, even light that tries to brighten up their gloomy existence. Now, there aren’t any black holes (which are actually dead stars and not ‘holes’ at all) floating around earth just yet, but if one were to get close it could prove crushingly fatal – obviously.

9. Volcanic explosions

It’s been a while since we’ve experienced a massive volcanic explosion – 1991 being the last ‘big’ one in Mount Pinatubo, Philippines. Maybe the Mayans knew of something brewing down beneath.

10. You’re not who you think you are…

Our final theory on how the world is going to end involves you walking up in a panic only to realise your life as you know it now was only a dream, and that you’re actually someone else entirely. You then realise that you’re the only person left alive and everyone else has actually been killed by the REAL apocalypse.

Having said all that you’ll probably just wake up on Friday morning having experienced nothing out of the ordinary. But we’re not sure of the time zones, so don’t get too comfortable.

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