How To: Look good on a desert island

Inspired by the Captain’s Island campaign from our friends at Captain Morgan, we’re giving you some desert island how-to guides. Today, being stranded without toilet paper, hairbrush or mirror is no excuse not to look ridiculously handsome.

By Emmet Purcell

Remember Cast Away? The beardy chap, who formed an incredible platonic (at least we hope it was platonic...) relationship with a volleyball, eventually made it home from a desert island safe and sound, hoping to be reunited with his long-term girlfriend.

And what happened? She had shacked up with a new husband, someone who, unlike our hapless leading man, had been using a bathroom regularly for the past four years.

So, dear reader, what would you do if you managed accidentally to find yourself on a desert island with little prospect of ever reaching civilisation again. Would you give up hope? Would you stop shaving your back, grow a beard the size of a lion’s mane and cosy up to a sports ball?

The answer is pretty obvious – you’ve got to make living on a desert island look good.

You never know when a boat of beauty contestants might tragically find themselves shipwrecked but when they do, you’ll want to be the castaway version of Mad Men’s Don Draper, swirling a half-coconut in hand as you lounge in a makeshift wicker chair.

Just because you have no human company doesn’t mean you should let yourself go. If anything, without the modern distractions of stalking your exes on Facebook this could be the perfect time to get yourself into shape. Best of all, it’ll give you something to do while you wait for your hopefully eventual rescue.

Hair: The great thing about spending years outdoors is that you won't have to purchase any expensive dye to maintain a bleached blonde barnet - the overpowering rays of the suns will do the job for you.

However, make sure you maintain that California beach-lover look by burning your hair over an open fire every month or so. Just be sure to douse the flames ASAP by running into the sea to dunk your unwieldy fiery head and singed beard. It'll hurt a little to begin with but it's much better than split ends, right?

Outfit: If you're lucky and you eventually find a fellow castaway during your time on a desert island, the least you can do is cover up your bathing suit area from time to time.

Shorts made completely from straw are very 'in' this season, giving you a mixture of spring/summer 2011 smarts and a dash of uncivilised tribal chic, whilst an eye patch will really help accentuate the look of a rugged, wild man who plays by his own rules. Combine the two and you'll barely be able to resist yourself.

Work-out: Why use dozens of tiny rocks to build an 'SOS' signal on the beach line when you can instead haul hundreds of much heavier rocks to spell out 'HEY I'M KINDA LOST ON THIS ISLAND... PLEASE HELP. I BURNT MY HAIR SO I'M GONNA NEED A BRUSH OR SOMETHING?'. It'll take a lot longer but you'll get one hell of a workout in the process.

So there you have it; follow this advice and you’re well on the way to becoming the bronzed god of your own desert island. Best of luck!

To be in with a chance of joining Captain Morgan himself on his island, and uncovering a legendary bounty worth €15,000, make sure to head on over to his Facebook page at facebook.com/CaptainMorganIreland?sk=app_187968831259013. The Captain is writing a Captain's Log on this site at the moment - you can read all about his island adventures over here.

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