JOE’s Premier League 2013-14 predictions

Before it all kicks off again, here’s how the JOE lads reckon the Premier League will go this season. Settle in, it's a big read.

Last season, we put one of these together and we got more right than wrong. Okay, we still got some stuff wrong, like Swansea’s prospects, Olivier Giroud’s ability and how West Brom would fare but some of us, especially Conor Heneghan, were Mystic Meg like in their prognoses. So, with that wave of confidence lapping over us, here’s how we reckon the 2013-14 season will go.

Sean Nolan:

Champs: Manchester City I plumped for the then reigning champions last year but I’m even more sure (110 per cent this time) that they can pull it off this time. Gone is Roberto Mancini, who seemed to cast a pall over the dressing room, and in comes Manuel Pellegrini, a manager set to play a much more open style and maintain a much happier bunch of players. The Citizens will surely concede more this season, but I reckon they will score a lot more too. Their new signings all look top class (Alvaro Negredo, Jesus Navas, Fernandinho and Stevan Jovetic) while the more malign influences like Carlos Tevez and Mario Balotelli are gone. David Silva and Sergio Aguero were both a bit below par last term but I’m backing Pellegrini to reinvigorate them and at the back the likes of Joe Hart, Vincent Kompany and Pablo Zabaleta are among the best in their position in the league. All together now, ‘Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone...’ Top 4: Chelsea: The return of Jose Mourinho will clearly make Stamford Bridge a happier place this season and he will love deploying the likes of Mata, Hazard and Oscar, arguably the most potent creative trio in the Premier League. Up front we love Romelu Lukaku but the absence of a world-class finisher might just cost them (sorry Fernando). At the back, the aging legs of John Terry, Ashley Cole and Petr Cech may let them down too and just a few dropped points this term will be vital come May. Arsenal: With no important players leaving, and with more dead wood sent packing than a saw mill, Arsenal should be at least as good as last term. If Arsene Wenger had creaked open his war chest to buy Higuain, Jovetic, Suarez or another top class striker we’d have them even higher but a modest improvement to third should be in their grasp. Manchester United: We won’t go as far as to say the champions will struggle under David Moyes but the end of the Fergie era has to bring some class of hangover. Another side whose prospects are dimmed by the absence of marquee signings, even the rumoured arrival of a few ex-Evertonians doesn’t inspire too much confidence. Add in the Wayne Rooney fiasco and a brutally tough opening set of fixtures and the Red Devils may be on the back foot from the kick off. It could all change with a major signing or two, but right now, they slip to fourth for me. One to watch: Norwich Ricccckkkkkeeeeeee Chris Hughton is a seriously impressive operator, and hopefully he’ll be Ireland manager one day, For now we have to make do with watching him do some fine work with the Canaries. Impressive new names like Ricky van Wolfswinkel, Javier Garrido, Leroy Fer and Gary Hooper means the side look much stronger than last term. They finished 11^th then and I can see them improving on that mark, perhaps pushing for Europe. Flop: Jozy Altidore (Sunderland) A star last term for AZ in Holland, we fear that the American international won’t be able to translate that form to the Premier League. He struggled last time out for Hull in 2009-10 and in what I expect to be a difficult year for Sunderland (see below)  the striker may have a tricky time of it. Relegated: Sunderland: A huge turnover of players, a combustible manager and some signings that may take time to settle, the Black Cats may be luckless. Also, the last four teams to finish 17^th have gone down the following season. Sunderland finished 17^th last season. Crystal Palace: We all love Ian Holloway but his team may not be up to the rigours of a Premier League campaign. The squad looks short on quality and unless Maraoune Chamakh hits the sort of form he never showed at Arsenal, I reckon the Eagles are doomed. Cardiff: They have a very good manager in Malky Mackay and a chairman with loads of cash but even with the likes of Steven Caulker and Gary Medel brought in, it won’t be enough to stave off the drop.

Conor Heneghan:

Champs: Manchester City They’ve often been referred to as the noisy neighbours, but Simon and Garfunkel must have been hanging around the City of Manchester Stadium this summer because the sound of silence has prevailed as last season’s runners-up have gone quietly and efficiently about their business while all the attention has been focussed on their title rivals. Roberto Mancini often bemoaned the lack of quality additions to the squad after they won the title but the difference in City’s signings this summer and last is night and day because Fernandinho, Jesus Navas, Stevan Jovetic and Alvaro Negredo are a long way away from Scott Sinclair and Jack Rodwell. Stevan Jovetic could be a difference maker for City Add those players to a squad that was arguably already the best in the Premier League, sprinkle it with a determination to right the wrongs of a turbulent campaign last year and top it all off with one of the best and most respected managers in the game eager to make an impression in his first season in charge and it’s hard to look past Citeh making it two league titles in three years. Top 4: Manchester United: A big-name signing before the new season would help their credentials but amidst all the talk about some much-publicised unsuccessful forays into the transfer market and all the pressure on David Moyes, some seem to forget that the squad that won the Premier League by a country mile last season is still there. That squad includes Wayne Rooney, who might not want to be there but doesn’t look as if he’ll be allowed to leave, a situation that, if it materialises, strengthens United’s hand (to a certain extent at least) and certainly weakens Chelsea’s given that they were all set to welcome him to Stamford Bridge. As it has for the last few seasons, the lack of an authoritative presence in central midfield remains a concern – God forbid if anything happens to Michael Carrick – but there remains enough talent in attack and solidity at the back to ensure that the Red Devils will be challenging for honours again, even if they end up falling short at the end. Chelsea: The Blues are plenty of people’s favourites for the title and it’s no surprise really. The Special One’s return is a huge boost and the arrival of Andre Schurrle and Marco van Ginkel, coupled with the return of improving pair Kevin de Bruyne and Romelu Lukaku from loan, will improve a squad that was already pretty decent as it is. It seems as if Chelsea’s main threat will continue to be an attacking trio made up of three from Mata, Hazard, Oscar, Schurrle and De Bruyne so Mourinho will be keen to find someone who will consistently put away the chances they will undoubtedly create, although it is looking increasingly unlikely that Wayne Rooney will be that man and it might be up to Lukaku, Demba Ba or Fernando Torres to step up to the plate. The talent is definitely there to win a title and it is only a fool who would doubt Mourinho’s ability to do just that, but we think Jose and his squad might have to play second fiddle to the Manchester clubs for another season at least. Arsenal: Top four finishes aren’t coming as easily to Arsenal as they used to, but we can’t see who of the challengers are going to threaten their place in the Champions League places, especially if bitter rivals Spurs lose Gareth Bale before the end of the month. If the Gunners can convince an A-lister to come to the Emirates in the next few weeks then the picture changes entirely. If they don’t they’ll probably still have enough quality to finish in the top four again in this campaign, although it might be as arse-clenchingly tight as it was last year. One to watch: Cardiff City It seems to be a recent trend that at least one of the promoted teams makes an impact in the top flight and Cardiff City would appear to be the most likely lads this time around. Having topped the Championship by a distance last season, they haven’t been afraid to flex their financial muscles through the acquisition of players like Steven Caulker and Gary Medel and they could turn as many heads as they did following their ridiculous decision to change the club colours prior to the start of last season. Flop: Maarten Stekelenburg (Fulham) Mark Schwarzer might have been getting on a bit but it didn’t seem to affect his displays last season and now that he’s gone, it will be up to Jol’s countryman Maarten Stekelenburg to provide solidity between the sticks. Maarten Stekelenburg; a live blogger's nightmare of a name Stekelenburg was dropped as first choice ‘keeper by Roma last season and besides, if he can’t hold on to a trophy, what hope has he of holding onto a football? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUb2mbvYXZA Relegated: Stoke City: Tony Pulis certainly had his critics but he provided stability at the Potters during his time in charge, something not exactly guaranteed under the notoriously unstable Mark Hughes. Not many people will miss them if they go, apart from those who genuinely believe that performing on a cold, wet November night at the Britannia is the ultimate barometer of a top-class footballer of course. Hull City: It’s a pity to have to say it given the strong Irish contingent at the KC Stadium, but it could be a long, long year for the Tigers in their first season back in the top flight. Crystal Palace: Obviously, we’re over the moon that Ian Holloway is back in the Premier League, but they will struggle to cope with the loss of talisman Wilfried Zaha against better sides against whom his quality could have made a big difference.

Declan Whooley:

Champs: Manchester City With so much uncertainty in the red half of Manchester over a certain striker, a new manager and a lack of big signings, Manuel Pellegrini must be licking his lips. Without doubt one of the most talented managers in Europe, he came within a whisker of taking a modest Malaga to a Champions League semi-final last year. Out have gone troublesome characters (Balotelli and Tevez), and another high earner who got little game time (Kolo Toure), while their spending looks astute. Defensively sound, the problems last season lay further up the field for City. Stevan Jovetic and Alvaro Negredo have replaced the two departed strikers, Fernandinho looks like an excellent box-to-box midfielder with a Champions League pedigree, while Jesus Navas was a highly coveted signing from La Liga. When you combine this with the talent already at his disposal, then Pellegrini could be onto a winner in his first season. And he can’t possibly do any worse in Europe than his predecessor. Top 4: Manchester United A prediction of runners-up for United is based more on the pedigree and experience in the squad rather than anything else. David Moyes has bigger shoes to fill than your average clown, but despite the perceived doom and gloom surrounding a lack of big-name signings (as of yet anyway) and the on-going Wayne Rooney saga, it is hard to imagine United not challenging. Will David Moyes still be smiling come May? At least two midfielders, one being a creative central midfielder (Cesc Fabregas, and to a lesser degree Luka Modric, you know who you are) and a striker should Rooney depart would fit the bill nicely, but they are champions for a reason and their biggest challengers also have the uncertainty of new management at the helm. Chelsea The Londoners finished third under the stewardship of Rafa Benitez, and while the supporters will be much happier to see The Special One return, for my money it could be the same position they will occupy at the end of the campaign. Mourinho has been quiet during pre-season, his adamant insistence that Wayne Rooney was his only transfer target was about as vocal as he has been, but we expect this to change dramatically when the big games roll into town. I expect them to challenge right until the end of the season and while the signing of André Schürrle and the return of Kevin De Bruyne mean that they have an embarrassment of riches with creative midfielders, things are a little different to Mourinho’s last time at the Bridge. They will be a difficult team to beat and if Jose wins the league it will surprise no one, least of all himself, but they may just fall short this time around. And maybe Rafa wasn’t all that bad. Tottenham Hotspur This prediction could well come back to haunt me, so that little disclaimer might count for something in May, but I’m going to stump for Spurs to win the battle of Norf Landon. Yes Gareth Bale will be a huge loss if he goes, but AVB looks to have made some really astute signings and in terms of development of the team, they look to be going in the right direction, twice breaking their transfer record. And Daniel Levy doesn’t part with his cash all that easily as we know. Spanish strikers can be hit or miss in the Premier League, but Roberto Soldado could be the man to finish off the many chances the team creates, as you certainly wouldn’t want to be relying on Adebayor. Paulinho looks to be a swash-buckling signing in midfield and was voted the third-best player at the Confederation’s Cup, for whatever that was worth. He will add plenty of energy and the squad looks to have more strength in depth, even if their biggest asset is to depart. One to Watch: Sunderland And not just to see what kind of histrionics Paolo Di Canio will resort to over the course of the season. Let’s face it, last season they were simply dismal, and if it weren’t for the fact that Stoke were part of the Premier League, there wasn’t a team I disliked watching more than the Mackems. The madcap Italian added a bit of colour, and unless he gets them relegated – a distinct possibility – then the only way is up. They were 17^th last season after all. For some reason Emanuele Giaccherini has decided to leave Serie A champions Juventus for Wearside (did somebody say money?) and looks to have a bit of quality about him, Jozy Altidore looks a far better player than the one we saw struggle at Hull, while Cabral in central midfield has impressed in pre-season, not that we should ever, ever read anything into that. In fact £30 million has been spent in total in fees and signing on fees with their new signings, while there was a clearout at the end of the season, so they really are starting on a clean slate. It could go either way, but I think Di Canio is just about mad enough to pull off a good season on Wearside. Flop: Dwight Gale I’m struggling to see how Dwight Gale commanded a club-record fee, officially undisclosed, but understood to be in the region of £5 million, plus add ons that could see that figure rise considerably. Crystal Palace will be pinning their hopes on a 22-year old who has played just one season of professional football. And in that one season for Peterborough they got relegated to League One, with Gale hitting 13 goals in 29 appearances. Not shabby, but hardly worthy of such a lofty fee. The club-record signing will be under pressure to deliver the goods for a side that are likely to be languishing near the bottom. Relegated: Crystal Palace: It's hard to see Palace surviving in their first year back, though Ian Holloway will make for interesting soundbites. They have lost their most talented player in Wilfried Zaha, while their hopes of finding the net rest on an inexperienced Championship player (see above). It could be long and painful, but at least the Palace cheerleaders make everything better. Stoke City: As already mentioned, they were about as easy on the eye as Susan Boyle eating nettles at times, and Mark Hughes has already begun to clearout some of the experienced players in the squad. Assuming he makes a few signings before the window closes, he is looking at a very new squad, which he couldn’t seem to manage at QPR. This could be the season where the club realises that although they weren’t great to watch previously, they were bloody hard to break down. The signs were there last season things were changing, and it could get a whole lot worse. Hull City: With such a strong Irish contingent, it would be a crying shame to see the team go down, but Steve Bruce doesn’t overly convince me as a manager. I'm looking forward to seeing Robbie Brady in the top flight and Maynor Figueroa could prove to be an excellent signing, but it could be a season of toil ahead.

Eoghan Doherty:

Champions: Chelsea It’s the Second Coming and the fifth league title as Jose Mourinho returns to Stamford Bridge. An invigorated Chelsea will be absolutely buzzing this year with Eden Hazard and Juan Mata pulling the strings and, with Frank Lampard signing up for another year, I reckon that Mourinho will work his usual wonders of getting the best out of the rest of the squad... until he falls out massively with a few of them of course. Actually, you can call him Schurrle... Regardless of whether they get their hands on Wayne Rooney before the close of the transfer window, my money’s on Andre Schurrle to be their best signing of the summer. Top 4: Manchester City: Another club that will inevitably be boosted by the arrival of a new and very talented manager, City have gifted Manuel Pellegrini a sizeable chunk of cash to spend – cash that he’s already spent in a very astute manner. With impressive signings such as Fernandinho to bolster the squad, Pellegrini still has the man-mountain that is Yaya Toure at his disposal, pretty handy when you absolutely have to destroy all living things that stand in your team’s way. One big drawback for the Blue Mooners is that Joe Hart, part of the so solid crew for a number of seasons, is looking incredibly suspect between the shticks. A Richard Wright return anyone? Manchester United: The King is dead, long live the King. Poor David Moyes. The Scotsman has the unenviable task of attempting to fill the shoes of the most successful football manager of all time, Alex Ferguson... apart from me in Championship Manager with my legendary Inverness Caledonian Thistle team of course. At the time of this incredibly accurate prediction, Cesc-obsessed United still haven’t made a marquee summer signing and with Rooney being his usual disruptive self, the nerves are sure to be kicking in at Old Trafford. A fit Robin van Persie and the United old hands will get them through the season, but there’ll be no 21st title for the Red Devils this year. Woohoo! Liverpool: Being an eternally optimistic Liverpool fan myself, I had to fight the ineveitable pre-season urge to foolishly believe that the Anfield club would be champions. Or come second. Or come third. This is our year though... to be fourth. With a number of promising signings added to squad I expect Sturridge to deliver up front and Simon Mignolet and Kolo ‘Chunky’ Toure to be solid at the back... provided he can stay off his wife’s slimming pills. Luis who? Oh God, please let him stay, please let him stay, please let him stay. One to watch: Robbie Brady Biased? Us? Never. After permanently signing for Hull City at the start of the year, the young Irishman played his part in the Tigers' push for promotion, and this year will have the brilliant opportunity to prove himself at the very top level. Just don’t score against Liverpool ya little boll*x, ok? We're all looking forward to seeing Robbie Brady in action Flop: Marouane Chamakh (Crystal Palace) “Once a flop, always a flop,” as my granny never used to say. The Moroccan forward had a pretty disappointing spell at Arsenal and now Crystal Palace have proceeded to sign him on a one year deal for an undisclosed fee. Whatever the fee was though, it was too much. Expect even more hair gel and even less goals than before. Relegated: Newcastle: Just what the hell is going on on Tyneside? With Alan Pardew managing and Joe Kinnear being brought in as the Magpies’ Director of Football, it seems that too many cooks will spoil the broth this season. The catering’s terrible at St. James’ Park you see. Oh, and Newcastle will be relegated. Crystal Palace: It’ll be great to have manager Ian Holloway coming out with a few crackers again on Match of the Day this season, but his smart-arse comments won’t save Palace from the drop I reckon. Mainly because they don’t hand out points for wise-cracks. They should. But they don’t. Straight back down... Hull: Gooooooo Tigers!!! Go back to the Championship that is. Not even Paul ‘am I really a footballer’ McShane and potential super-star Robbie Brady will be able to keep the Tigers from the drop.

Adrian Collins:

Champs: Manchester City They seem to have gotten their house in order very early on in the transfer market, and it was clear that they had been in contact with Pellegrini to make sure that everything was in place for a smooth transition as soon as Mancini was ousted. Like Moyes, Pellegrini has no major trophy to his name, and the media point to his time at Madrid where despite having some great players brought in, he still won nothing. It seems to have gotten to the point where being sacked by Madrid has no negative effects on your record though. He had little or no say in what players he wanted, and two lads by the name of Sneijder and Robben, who he wanted to keep and have both gone on to win the Champions League since, were shipped off against his wishes. This time, he seems to have genuine control, has picked his players and looks to have a system in place. It's not a sure sign of anything, but the players have already spoken highly of his analytical ability and how he can identify what needs to be done or changed in a game, which will be good news to City fans. Plus, he used to manage O'Higgins FC in Chile, which means he's okay by us. Top Four Chelsea: Mourinho is back baby, and while he has been a lot quieter than expected, he hardly needs to raise his profile any further so perhaps he's sparing the theatrics until the season is under way properly. Schurrle is a great signing to add to a hugely talented squad, and we can expect them to continue to be defensively solid under Mourinho this season. Liverpool: Call me foolish if you will, but if Suarez stays (a big if) then Liverpool's front line is pretty tasty. Sturridge's ability to score goals and link up with Suarez was shown last season, Coutinho is a little wizard-genius and Gerrard will, as always, be a valuable contributor. Maybe this is their year... Tottenham: Even if Bale leaves, Spurs still have one of the best midfields in the league, and the signing of Paulinho and a proper striker who can score goals in Roberto Soldado means that they won't need to be as reliant on the Welshman as they were. Manchester United are in transition this year and will have a difficult start to the season I think, and Arsenal have not improved a squad that barely got into the top four last season, while all around them have added fire power. One to Watch: Cardiff They had a good start to Premier League life with a few very interesting signings under their belts already. Gary Medel is somewhat of a loose cannon (which is a generous way of putting it) but he won't be afraid of the physical side of the Premier League. Gary Medel should keep the referees busy this season Like compatriots Swansea, they seem to want to play free-flowing, attacking football, and they have also brought in the promising Steven Caulker from Tottenham Hotspur and Andreas Cornelius, the man with one of the best names in football. We doubt they're finished in the market yet either. Flop: Sergio Aguero Even though I've picked City to win the title, I think Kun Aguero might have another season to forget. Last season the problem was injuries, but even when he played he wasn't his dynamic self. Even at that, however, he still played 30 games and failed to really impress, and while I'd love to be proven wrong on this one because I really like him as a player, I think we may be looking at another underwhelming year from the Argentine. Relegated: Stoke: Mark Hughes taking charge of a team that was really poor last season is a recipe for disaster in my book. Hughes hasn't had much success in his last few management spells, and their signings haven't exactly been fantastic, although Marc Muniesa could be interesting. Trying to change style and stay up will be near impossible. Hull: The newly branded Tigers won't have enough to stay up this year, but that's not to say they won't be back after that. It would be disappointing to see the Irish contingent suffer relegation, but their squad doesn't scream Premier League safety. Newcastle: I have no idea what's happening at St. James' Park this year with the whole Kinnear situation, but they were in total free fall last year at the end of the season. It's difficult to stop the rot once it has set in, and they haven't had a great summer in the transfer market either.