What’s all this about mutant super rats?

Dumb it Down casts its eye on the powerful new breed of rats who seem to be knocking about that can't be killed!

By Adrian Collins

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So now we have super-mutant ninja rats?

As far as we're aware, they haven't got ninja training...yet, anyway. We can only assume that's the next step though, if television has taught us anything. It seems these rats are more resistant to the usual poison and traps that have served us well in keeping the vermin out of our houses throughout the ages. The council calling for permission to up their assaults against them has dubbed them “super rats”, and we find it hard to disagree.

So should we give up now and bow down to our new rat overlords?

Not quite yet, the solution from West Berkshire Council is to ask the regulator for some stronger poison to sort the problem out. With that comes other problems though, since there's a risk that other wildlife could be killed if they get at the poison. The rat population is estimated at 80 million in those parts, so it's a serious enough issue for the residents of Berkshire, Hampshire and Oxford. They also do carry some unpleasant diseases, so our advice here at JOE is not to touch rats.

What's wrong with the Pied Piper scheme? It worked in that story, didn't it?

True enough, and we've bandied that solution about the JOE offices too, but it seems the musical tastes of rats have evolved since olden times, and the flute isn't their cup of tea any more. A researcher at the University of Reading has warned that the problem is national though, and not just confined to that area of England; so keep your eyes out for Splinter and his mates making the trip on the boat.