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Life

08th Jul 2016

FEATURE: 22 things you can only know if you’ve lived in an all-male house

Just don't be the first to fall asleep.

Rich Cooper

 “Man alive! There are… men… alive in here.”

You can always tell when you’re in an all-male household, apart from the fact that each bedroom is occupied by a male. There’s an ambience, an aura, a musk that hovers in the air and, to some extent, the carpet. The things guys do, say and leave lying around make for an unmistakable environment.

Obviously we’re not saying that girls don’t do these things, nor are we saying that all men do them either, but when you put a bunch of dudes in a confined space, there is certain amount of shit that goes down.

What kind of shit? Well…

1. Your house either smells of bacon or cologne.

bacon and aftershave

Photo: Kjetil Ree / @Ryan_Marr

2. House noticeboards are rarely used for actually giving notice.

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Photo: @DeezNutsVestry

3. It’s perfectly acceptable to hang out in your boxers.

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Photo: @funkyclarke

4. As long as you’re not actually hanging out.

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5. Though it is an absolute certainty that you will see a testicle or two before your tenancy is up.

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Photo: @Iman_Hadzhalie

6. Farts. Farts all the time.

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7. And the marking of farts out of 10

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Photo: BBC

8. Whenever a girl comes round, it’s like someone opened all the windows and let fresh air in.

i recognised your foul stench

Suddenly everything seems to clean, so wholesome.

9. Every conversation, however it started, inevitably ends up being about sex.

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10. If it’s around 10pm, Family Guy will be on the television, no exceptions.

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Of course, it’s on ITV2 now. It just ain’t the same since BBC Three went off the air.

11. If you’re the first to fall asleep, well, you should have known better.CdhM59RW4AAyxXa

Photo: @AlishaLangley

12. If food is left alone for more than five minutes, it will be eaten.

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Photo: @halfmoonatalie

13. There’s always at least a couple of pubes on the toilet seat at any given time.

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Photo: @madeofdrew

15. At some point you will all realise it’s 4am and you’ve been playing FIFA for two days straight.

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16. Your living room arrangements are unconventional to say the least.

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Photo: @lakebailey14

17. Someone will yell “Pub!” and suddenly, without realising, you’ll all be on the way to the pub.

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18. Life hacks in an all-male house have a certain… je ne sais quoi.

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Photo: @Bonita_Klein

19. Housework does get done, just in a very specific and not at all dangerous way.

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Photo: @alexbrooks

20. There is at least one dick drawing somewhere around the house.

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Photo: @ellis_cross

21. All the essentials are taken care of.

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Photo: @cecilesites

Obviously not Coors though. *shudder*

22. And some days you wake up to find your house looking like this and think, “My life is brilliant”.

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Photo: @Morrrrgss

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Topics:

Flatmates,Living