Five killer workout tunes

Fast, aggressive and inspirational – only a very special type of tune can earn a place on your gym playlist. Here's JOE's five favourites.

By Robert Carry

Gonna Fly Now, Bill Conti

Doctors have developed a new method of detecting testosterone deficiency in young males. They show a clip of Rocky running up the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum with this iconic theme tune blasting at full volume and if the subject doesn’t clench their fists and grind their teeth, then the male hormone is totally absent from their flabby, femine bodies.

If you quit while this one is pumping in your iPod you won’t be able to look at yourself in the mirror for a month. Now go home and drink a dozen raw eggs from a pitcher.

Hit Em Up, Tupac

On the first occasion 2Pac was shot he held Notorious B.I.G. and his associates responsible and true to form, he poured his fury into his music. Hit ‘Em Up is unarguably the rawest, most turbo-aggressive hip-hop diss track ever committed to vinyl.

The anger builds as the track progresses to the point where 2Pac is spitting unscripted blind fury down the microphone. This one will wring every drop of energy out of you. “Five shots couldn’t drop me, I took it and smiled!” You tell ‘em 2Pac.

New Order, Confusion (Pump Panel Recon Mix)

Once upon a time, before Twilight ruined it for everyone, vampire movies involved a leather-clad Wesley Snipes hacking his way through the undead with a Samuri sword. One of the most fondly-remembered scenes in the Blade trilogy came in the first installment – when a group of innocent party-goers find themselves in an underground nightclub.

The Pump Panel Recon Mix of New Order’s Confusion has the crowd giving it socks and right when it peaks, the sprinkler system comes on – and squirts blood down onto the ravers. And they promptly turn into vampires.

It might not prompt you to sprout fangs but the incessant, industrial grade beat will blast you through that last set in the weights room.

The Best Around, Joe Esposito

If Rocky made us want to be boxers then Karate Kid made us want to, erm, do karate. With Mister Miyagi nodding sagely, that fit blonde girl simpering on the sidelines and Joe Esposito singing his lungs out, Larrusso couldn’t lose.

So, if Daniel Son can beat the piss out of every member of the Cobra Kai Gym one after the other, you can do another two minutes on the feckin’ rower.

Eye of the Tiger, Survivor

It should come as no surprise that there are two Rocky-related songs in our top five workout tunes. The films were, after all, entirely about a man who could sustain farcical punishment at the hands of better-skilled opponents and still come out on top – because of his never quit attitude.

This should be the first tune on your gym playlist although don’t have it too loud – if anyone overhears it you’ll never live it down. Risin’ up, back on the streeeeeet. Yeah!