Brought to you by skybet.
It’s that time of year.
Cheltenham is here and horse racing is suddenly dominating conversations in pubs and offices around the country. It’s arguably the biggest week in racing so it’s no surprise that you suddenly see all different types of punters coming out of the woodwork.
We’ve looked at some different punters that you’re guaranteed to see at some stage this week. Do you recognise anyone?
1. The professor
The professor has done their homework, researched every runner’s form and calculated the probability of a win to the nth degree. They don’t believe in fate or luck or chance. For them, betting comes down to cold hard numbers and using the sort of convoluted formulas that are usually reserved for quantum physics.
Most likely to: Quietly collect their winnings without explaining how they knew to back the longshot.
2. The luckless wonder
There are some people who are just plain unlucky. We all know someone who just can’t get a break and punters are no different. If the luckless wonder bets on a horse, you can guarantee that it’s going to fall, dismount its rider or spontaneously combust on the home straight.
Most likely to: Kill your chances of a win by betting on the same horse as you.
3. The tipster
There’s always someone who has tips. He knows a man who knows a man who’s Ruby Walsh’s neighbour’s milkman. Every tip is a dead cert. He’s either got a very wide circle of friends or he’s totally delusional.
Most likely to: Claim he has a tip then spend the next 10 minutes refusing to tell you what it is.
4. The Cheltenham diehard
There’s always one person who takes the week off work for it. This is their favourite week of the year and they’re not going to miss a second – or a race. They’ve spent the year accumulating a war chest for the festival and now they’re all set to go big or go home.
Most likely to: Change jobs if their boss insists that they work this week.
5. The racing newbie
Even people who don’t have an interest in the gee-gees can get caught up in that Cheltenham spirit. The racing newbie knows nothing about racing but they’ll give this betting lark a go for the week that’s in it. As soon as someone shows them how to do it.
Most likely to: Ask someone how to lay a bet.
6. The superstician
The superstician is convinced that the universe dictates horse races and that any coincidence is an omen. They think that everything is a sign. Bizarrely, they also think a horse’s name is as important as the odds or form.
Most likely to: Lump a huge amount on a 40/1 outsider because it shares a name with their first dog.
7. The fanboy
This punter backs the jockey not the horse. Despite the fact that the horse is doing all the work, they think that their favourite jockey can somehow carry any nag over the line by virtue of their experience.
Most likely to: Look confused when their jockey didn’t win, despite the fact that they were riding an asthmatic donkey.
8. The screamer
This type of punter can usually be found tearing up betting slips or inventing new swearwords while screaming at the TV. It’s not exactly clear why they follow a sport that clearly sends them into an uncontrollable rage. Maybe they just enjoy the emotional release?
Most likely to: Burst a blood vessel over the course of the week.
9. The longshot lover
This type of race fan doesn’t mess around with anything as simple as a single or an each way bet. They’re all about the huge accumulators or random forecasts that nobody else would try. It’s like every bet they place is designed to laugh in the face of probability.
Most likely to: Tell you that their accumulator almost came in.
10. The excuse merchant
Nothing is ever their fault. They would have won that last race but the experts claimed the going was rough… Or the jockey messed it up… Or there should have been a steward’s enquiry. It’s definitely not that they backed the wrong horse.
Most likely to: Give you a detailed post-mortem of why they lost and why it wasn’t their fault.
11. The talker
The talker isn’t afraid to tell you how much they won and they always win. Their horse never seems to come in when they’re watching the race on the office TV but they somehow manage to be “up” at the end of every day. It’s not the lies that kill you. It’s the deceit.
Most likely to: Tell you a massive fib dubious story about how they won a fortune with an inspired bet in the third race.
On the first race at Cheltenham every day, skybet are offering money back as a free bet if you lose to both new and existing customers. For more information, check out the website.
Please gamble responsibly.
Brought to you by skybet.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
