Ah, the auld pair.
It’s only when you get to your 20s that you realise that they are actually a sound bunch of people. After all, they fed you, watered you and let you stay in their house rent free for 18 years.
You had your stupid rows and ‘monumental’ teenage fights, but as you look back now you can see that most of the time, Mam and Dad do know best (even though, we still think you should have let us go to that teenage disco in Castlebar when we were 13).
Here are 15 phrases that you will be very familiar with and that your parents got great mileage out of saying to you when you were growing up.
‘Why? That’s the why.’
THAT’S NOT EVEN AN ANSWER. We tried, oh good God how we tried to get a genuine answer out of them but to no avail. Although they didn’t admit it at the time (and probably never will) ‘that’s the why’ is used when, in fact, there is no actual reasonable answer.
Real answer: No, we’re not letting you go out tomorrow night for the simple reason that we don’t want you to go out, end of.
‘If [insert name] jumped off a cliff would you follow them?’
No, we wouldn’t. All we said was Tom’s parents are letting him go to the cinema tomorrow night and I don’t understand why we can’t go. You’re so unfair, HATE YOU… but can we go like?
But can we go like?
‘We’ll see.’
This phrase is truly heartbreaking. The first time you hear it you think…
… but you would be wrong. ‘We’ll see’ really means, nope, nada, nil, no, not a hope. They’re not going to see, they’re not even going to try and see, liars.
‘Ask your mam/dad.’
This always meant good and bad news. Good news because you knew that the first parent you had asked was good with the plan but the bad news was, now you had to convince the other parent. Doing the double here would be as famous as the 1993/’94 Manchester United FA Cup and Premier League win.
However, a double yes was a very rare occurrence.
‘I didn’t come down in the last shower.’
What does that even mean? It’s Ireland, there are showers every 45 minutes, does that mean it’s always raining parents? A famous saying used when you tried to tell your auld pair a little fib. It means they aren’t stupid and don’t ever try and pull a fast one like that again.
‘Don’t make me stop this car.’
‘Don’t make me come back there’ and ‘don’t think I won’t turn this car around’ are also sister phrases of these sayings. It’s normally said when yourself and your sibling are battering seven shades of shite into each other in the back seat and your parents know that one of these three phrases will make all of you cop on fairly lively.
Clip via Mostly Simpsons
‘When you break your legs don’t come running to me.’
When you got old enough and brave enough, you would eventually reply back with the words, ‘well, mother and father dear. If my legs are broken, I can’t exactly run can I? The saying will be altered then and the word running is replaced by crying.
Normally said when you and your neighbours or siblings are in the middle of doing something extremely dangerous like racing your go-kart down the side of a steep hill.
‘Eat all your vegetables and you can have dessert.’
You didn’t know it at the time, but this phrase would help you immensely in future years when it comes to negotiating contracts and the like.
They want you to eat your veggies, you want the ice-cream from the fridge. You know that you have some leverage to bargain with them. We’ll eat the carrots but you can have a run and a jump if you think we’re eating the broccoli.
Done deal.
‘If I told you once, I’ve told you 4o,ooo times.’
‘How many times have I told you?’ is also another classic phrase that falls in line with this one. Look, Mam, Dad, you could tell me 40,000 times, you could tell me 40 million times, I’m probably still going to walk into the house without wiping my shoes on the mat, just deal with it okay?
‘Back in my day.’
Now, we love nostalgia as much as the next person, but come on. Back in your day they didn’t even have colour television. I get it, you didn’t have any technology when you were young but we’re not back in your day, we’re in the present day, so let me be on my phone and unsociable in peace, please.
‘Your face is going to stay that way.’
How many of you believed this? We sure as hell did. For those of you who somehow did not hear this phrase, it was said when you were pulling a funny face. Your parents would tell you that if you left your face like that for long enough and the wind blew in a certain direction, it would stay like that forever.
We’re still unsure whether it’s true or not and we don’t have the nerve to test it out.
‘You weren’t born in a barn, close the door.’
Whatever you do, do not reply with the statement ‘no, I was born in a hospital with revolving doors’. That will not be received well at all.
The most frustrating thing about this was when your parents walk into your room, they never close the door on their way out, EVER.
‘When you stop acting like a child, I’ll stop treating you like one.’
How am I acting like a child? You’re acting like a child. Normally used mid-argument after you begin to repeat your parents’ words in a mimicking tone.
‘I’m going to count to 3’
The number can change but the outcome remains the same. You’ll act nice and cool until it gets to 1 and then you will immediately panic and stop whatever it is you’re getting in trouble for.
I’m getting the wooden spoon’
Five words that will forever put the fear of God into any Irish person.
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