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10th Jan 2023

Woman refuses to go to weddings for people she doesn’t hear from on a daily basis

Charlie Herbert

‘I don’t hear from people for lunch or coffee, but then I’m invited when they need the numbers.’

A woman has explained that she refuses to attend baby showers and weddings for people who “don’t make the effort'” and are only inviting her because they “need the extra numbers.”

Lanette Rincon, 30, from Loveland, Colorado, finds it “extremely offensive’ when asked to spend money on milestones in other people’s lives if she’s not included in their ‘life progressions’.

She claims to make exceptions for friends and relatives who live across the country – only declining invites from them if she doesn’t have time to join in the celebrations.

Lanette says she thinks lots of people invite her to baby showers, birthdays and weddings “just for the gifts” and says she’s making a point of saying no to those she wouldn’t class close friends or family.

Lanette insists her attitude stems from experiences with old co-workers and friends who she claims regularly posted on social media with their social circles.

Lanette is tired of attending weddings and baby showers for people who ‘make no effort’ (SWNS)

It made her feel like she’s “never thought of” until she gets invited to a big life event.

The business manager shared the mantra on social media, saying: “I heard someone talk about something similar a few years ago and it really resonated with me – it’s like a social media trait.

“I don’t ever hear from some people for a lunch or a coffee date or a girls night, but then I’m only invited to the big ones when they need the numbers.

“If I don’t get an invite to regular things then it’s incredibly offensive to invite to me big things.

“If I’ve been invited and they wanted me to bring a gift, I probably wouldn’t end up going, and if I did I wouldn’t bring one, but it depends on the circumstances.

“Recently in the last few years, I was hanging out with this person but then it soon turned to me actively trying to hang out with them and it not being reciprocated.

“And then when it came to a big event – like a wedding or a baby shower – that they needed the extra numbers for, I hear from them.

“When you show up to that wedding, for example, you feel awkward and don’t know how to talk to them and then you end up in a tricky position.

“Or when people ask how you know the bride it gets awkward.”

Lanette is aware that not everyone feels the same way but is keen to point out that everybody has their own rules.

“I think everybody has their own level of boundaries and self-respect,” she said.

“People have their own image of what a friendship looks like and it’s all personal preference.

“And for me, it’s about self-respect and your level of boundaries you want to set with people – knowing your worth as an individual and as a friend.

“I have my circle and we all respect each other and we all have that mutual understanding.’

Lanette’s video explanation racked up over 1.5 million views on TikTok and received a mixed response from users.

One disagreed, and commented: “Heck no, I can’t keep up with all the little stuff. Happy to show up and support big milestones – if I was important enough to be invited.”

Lanette admitted she had been labelled “petty” and “childish” and told she should “grow up.”

She said: “Like I said, I do believe that every person is different

“My response is that it’s OK to have different ways of doing things.

“Set out your own boundaries that you have with your friends and that’s it.”

In order to avoid conflict, Lanette often doesn’t reveal why she might not be coming to something.

She said: “I don’t really divulge as I’m not really a confrontational person, but when I feel I’m being taken advantage of I just say that I won’t be available at that time.”

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