Happy International Food Hangover Day!
Please, no more turkey… okay, just a little bit more…
We know exactly how you feel right now.
We know this, because we feel the exact same way.
It is a way of feeling that can’t be properly described with words, but only with Simpsons clips.
Clip via Tanim Islam
Despite this, the holidays must go on, and we must continue to consume food and drink and TV at a hugely enjoyable rate.
With that in mind, your pals at JOE have scoured the TV line-up for today, and picked out the five best movies for you to enjoy while using as little energy as humanly possible.
Enjoy!
Paddington – Film4 – 2.55pm
We really didn’t expect to like this story of a CGI bear arriving at the home of a prim-and-proper posh family to teach them lessons about love and togetherness. But we really should’ve known better, considering it was coming from the genius minds who made the Harry Potter movie series a hit, and has some fantastic actors – Sally Hawkins, Hugh Bonneville, Peter Capaldi, and Nicole Kidman in pure evil mode – having a lot of fun with the all-too-lovable Paddington himself.
The Little Mermaid – Channel 4 – 4.20pm
Believe it or not, this was the movie that helped re-start the Disney success. Before this it was The Black Couldron and Oliver & Company (no, us neither). Then they decided to go all in, with killer songs (remember ‘Under The Sea’ and ‘Kiss The Girl’??) and a fantastic villain (Ursula would go on to stylistically influence drag queens for decades to come). Once they succeeded here, Disney followed it up with The Lion King, Beauty & The Beast and Aladdin. And we have The Little Mermaid to thank for that.
Jurassic World – RTE One – 6.25pm
Ever since the first Jurassic Park, fans of the series have been DYING to see an actual, functional dinosaur themed park. Finally, with Jurassic World, we do get to witness that… at least for a little while. The want for bigger and scarier attractions leads to the scientists on the island creating a hybrid dino that is too smart to keep locked up, and before long, hundreds of dinosaurs are on the loose, with tens of thousands of tourists on the potential menu. Just try to ignore Bryce Dallas Howard’s permanent high-heels.
Minority Report – Sky One – 9.00pm
We were torn between this and the reboot of Sherlock Holmes (which starts on ITV2 at the exact same time), but in the end we had to go with Tom Cruise’s best and most undervalued performances, as a future-crime fighting cop, haunted by the kidnapping of his son. When he stumbles upon a conspiracy that could bring down the peaceful society of Washington DC in the year 2054, he has to decide the future of the world as we know it. Features a scene where Cruise chases his own eyeballs down a back-alley.
Swordfish – ITV4 – 12.25am
Truth be told, this film isn’t very good. But it is MASSIVE amounts of fun. Hugh Jackman as a wanted hacker, John Travolta as the cheesy terrorist who wants to use his skills to rob a government bank, and Halle Berry as the double (or is that triple?) agent caught between them. Don Cheadle, Vinny Jones and Sam Shepherd fill out the impressive cast, in a movie filled with car chases, monologues about shit films, hostages tied to C4 mines, and someone threatening to use a rocket launcher as a suppository. Also, not to overstate it, but this movie does contain one of the best explosions in cinema. Just saying.
All clips via Movieclips
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