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Maybe the secret to a perfect relationship is taking the advice of a possessed demonic doll?
The third instalment in the Annabelle is in cinemas now and the JOE team have done the impossible. We’ve secured an exclusive interview with the main star of 'Annabelle Comes Home'.
Yes that’s right, Annabelle the demonic doll has agreed to answer some of our readers most pressing questions on love, life and more.
It's a match!
Reader:
Dear Annabelle,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. Everything was going well until last week. He started being distant and not replying to my messages. I put this down to work stress at first.
However, last night my paranoia got the better of me. I downloaded Tinder and began checking to see was he using it. Eventually, my worries were confirmed. His picture popped up on screen.
The worst part of all? It was a picture from our recent trip to Paris, but with ME CROPPED OUT.
I asked him about it, and he confessed. He claims he had no intentions of meeting any of these matches, but had been seeking advice on what to get me for my birthday.
My friends are disgusted, and think he’s a liar. I feel very confused now because I feel he does love me. I don’t know how to proceed.
Annabelle:
My dear- break his mortal fingers and stew them in a broth! Steal his phone and swipe right with a knife across his lying neck!
A fleeting feline
Reader:
Dear Annaballe,
I think my cat is ghosting me. I know it sounds ridiculous, and yes, you might think I’m crazy. But I love that animal, and I’m willing to do what it takes to win her back.
I miss our late night cuddles, I miss chatting to her after a long day’s work, and how she’d chase plastic mice across the kitchen floor.
Nowadays, she barely looks at me. In fact, I feel as though she actively avoids me, choosing instead to visit our nearby neighbours. How do I prove that I’m the only owner for her? That we have something special that’s worth saving?
Annabelle:
Back in my day, ‘ghosting’ referred to prolonged torture by ravenous spirits of dead ancestors, not an abandonment by a domestic animal! Curse this generation and their petty grievances.
A prolonged proposal
Reader:
Dear Annabelle,
I have been with my girlfriend for 17 years. We have two kids and a house, and I’ve never been happier. The only thing that bothers me is that she will not marry me.
When I think about it, I just don’t feel good enough! I wish she would say yes, should I give her an ultimatum- or just accept things the way they are and get over it?
Annabelle:
My dear I have lived for centuries, perfectly content pursuing my dreams of death and destruction, unphased by singledom or solitude.
At present, I inhabit the body of a wooden doll, making relationships a little difficult. But has it held me back? Absolutely not.
I recommend you take up a hobby, to take your mind off things. Perhaps wreaking havoc upon the lives of unsuspecting families, or something of that ilk.
Tongue tied
Reader:
Dear Annabelle,
My best friend was recently told she has one year to live. Obviously, it’s an incredibly upsetting situation, and the news has devastated us all.
We met in college over 30 years ago, and have been part of each other's day to day lives ever since. I had imagined us growing old together, and can’t believe our time together will be cut short.
Worst of all, I’ve recently discovered that her husband of twenty years has been having an affair with a mutual friend of ours.
Do I tell her? And make this last year of her life harder than it needs to be? Or hold my tongue, and let her go to her grave living a lie?
Annabelle:
Hold YOUR tongue? Cut out his! Present it to his wife as a parting gift, your friendship shall continue to the afterlife.
A dentist dilemma
Reader:
Dear Annabelle,
I’m in a situation of having to work closely with a guy who I don’t get on with at all. We work together in a dentist’s office, and each day he’ll greet me by saying “hey sweaty, looking ugly as per usual”.
We’ve tried to make things work, and went for a drink together to try ease the tension. However this ended with him spitting in my drink!
I don’t want to leave my job and don’t think he will either. What do I do?
Annabelle:
You fool! Think of the pain you could inflict with a dentist drill!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZADZv0Fu8rM
Brought to you by Warner Bros. Pictures
