The entire time spent watching Holmes & Watson, you'll be distracted.
First it might be that Ferrell and Reilly were so funny together in Step Brothers and Talladega Nights, giving you just cause to get your hopes up here.
Then Steve Coogan pops up as a one-armed tattooist (because that is the level of comedy we're getting here), and you'll be distracted by how good he and Reilly look together in the trailer for Stan & Ollie.
Then it will probably be the arrival of Rob Brydon as Inspector Lestrade, who worked so well with Coogan in The Trip.
Next, distraction will be found by the sudden appearance of Hugh Laurie as Sherlock's older, smarter brother Mycroft, and Laurie himself did a fine twist on Holmes in House M.D. (in case that name-as-a-joke still had not landed).
Then there's Ralph Fiennes, painfully perfectly cast as Moriarty, except he's barely in the movie at all, and when he is in it, the movie has no idea what to do with him.
Perhaps you'll also be distracted by Rebecca Hall and Kelly Macdonald, two incredible actresses, here reduced to being the butt of sexist and sex-fuelled jokes, respectively.
Most of all though, you'll likely be most distracted by how, over the course of this eternal hour-and-a-half movie, you haven't laughed once.
Granted, it isn't as bad as writer/director Etan Cohen's (not that one) last movie Get Hard, but it passes that bar simply by not being outwardly, aggressively offensive.
It isn't hard to make Sherlock Holmes funny - the decidedly not-comedy versions with Robert Downey Jnr and Benedict Cumberbatch are still both pretty funny, and MASSIVELY funnier than this version - but the biggest problem here is that Holmes & Watson has no idea what kind of funny it wants to be.
There are nods to the duo's is-it-bromance-or-is-it-more-than-that relationship, but that gets dumped in favour of love interests. There are mentions of fake news and Holmes at one point wears a "Make England Great Again" fez. Mark Twain shows up for an orgy sex scene (with Charlie Chaplin and Albert Einstein), but the launch of the Titanic is also heavily involved (which, considering Twain died before the launch, is cause for more distraction). There are jokes made about women not getting equal pay, a whole scene where they play Weekend At Bernie's with the Queen's body, and an inexplicable running gag about onions.
The whole thing feels like an SNL sketch with no-one behind the wheel, no-one there to tell everyone to stop acting. Ferrell and Reilly really do try their best, and if there are any giggles to be had, it is from their absolute demolition of the posh British accents while kindly offering heroin or cocaine to visitors to 221B Baker Street.
The worst Ferrell & Reilly movie, the worst Holmes & Watson adaptation, and it would be one of the worst movies of the year if it wasn't for the constant distractions of an amazing cast really putting the work in.
Holmes & Watson is in Irish cinemas right now.
Clip via Sony Pictures Entertainment
