JOE’s Jumps: Our guide to the fearsome flicks you should be watching on Halloween night
*WARNING* It’s probably best that you don’t read this article just before going to bed.
For the terrifying Thursday that’s in it, JOE and Today FM’s The KC Show decided to recommend some of the scariest, most spooktacular, sliver screen films that you should be sitting in to watch this Halloween night.
And no, we’re not talking about how scarily bad the acting in a film is, so Showgirls is NOT an option.
Sorry Elizabeth. Sad face.
Halloween is the time of year that everyone inevitably becomes a horror film fan, even if, like this particular JOE, you’re a massive scaredy-pants, too frightened to watch a horror unless the setting is exactly right. And by “exactly right” we mean with our Mammy, in the middle of the day, when the sun is at its highest, the curtains are wide open and you’ve a torch in one hand and a crucifix in the other.
Otherwise we’ll pretty much behave like this:
So grab your monkey nuts, open up 14 bags of fun-size chocolate bars, have some clean underwear on standby and settle down to watch these five fearsome flicks, all for your viewing (dis)pleasure...
Based on Stephen King’s novel of the same name, Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 film is widely considered as a masterpiece of modern horror. All work and no play makes Jack Nicholson anything but a dull boy, as his portrayal of Jack Torrance, the crazed caretaker of the Overlook Hotel, is charismatically chilling:
To make matters even more poop-your-pants scary, Torrance’s son Danny (Danny Lloyd) possesses psychic abilities which enable him to communicate with the supernatural entities that inhabit the hotel, including the Grady Twins. JOE used to go out with a girl who was a twin so you’ll forgive us as we look away during this particular clip:
And of course, no article about The Shining could fail to include The Simpsons' THE SHINNING:
First of all, listen to Tubular Bells to get you in the spine-chilling mood:
Again based on another bat-shit crazy book, this time by William Peter Blatty, William Friedkin’s 1973 horror classic tells the tale of one very, very, very sick little girl Regan (Lionel Linda Blair) who becomes possessed by demonic spirits after playing with a Ouija board.
Just stick to Monopoly the next time Regan, yeah?
Her poor mammy is then forced to enlist the help of The Exorcist in order to battle the Devil for the soul of her daughter. Kids, eh?
Check out Friedkin’s freakin’ freaky trailer here:
“The night he came home...”
The film that brought the Slasher horror film genre to the gore-fore, Halloween was written, directed and had its simple yet spooky musical scare score composed by John Carpenter.
Sparking a franchise of inevitable sub-par sequels, Halloween told the tale of the mental Michael Myers (not that one) who, after murdering his sister as a six-year old, returns to his hometown fifteen years later to wreak more Halloween havoc on a set of unsuspecting terrified teens. The film is also notable for featuring Jamie Lee Curtis in her first starring role as the film’s heroine Laurie Strode:
And, did you know that Myer’s creepy mask was actually a Captain Kirk mask spray painted white? Well, you do now. Bloodcurdling stuff:
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Maybe you’ll be sitting in on this haunting Halloween and our previous three suggestions might be just a little bit too scary for you YOU BIG FLIPPIN’ BABY.
How about something lighter?
Henry Selick’s 1993 amazing stop-motion fantasy classic tells the story of Jack Skellington from Halloween Town who accidentally opens a portal to Christmas Town and decides to celebrate the holiday, usurping the role of Santa Claus with some dastardly consequences.
The film was also co-written by Tim Burton and features his long-time musical collaborator Danny Elfman as the singing voice of our hero Jack. Here is the film’s absolutely brilliant opening number ‘This Is Halloween’, a must-listen on every 31st October:
And one final suggestion for the big kid in all of us, it is of course that other 1993 Halloween hit, Hocus Pocus.
Starring Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jaessica Parker (before she was having stacks of sex in a certain city) as the three Sanderson sisters, the film flopped on its initial release but has since gone on to gain a cult following.
Check out the spooky singing Sandersons in full flow as they put a spell on the unwitting inhabitants of Salem, Massachusetts:
So there are five freaky films to get you started but there are of course loads more out there including Rosemary’s Baby, The Ring, Alien, Friday The 13th, Silence Of The Lambs, The Blair Witch Project, Psycho and Saw.
Last but not least though, let’s not forget old Leatherface himself. Happy Halloween everyone, sleep tight...
Hat-tip to JOE's Mammy, who sat with us throughout the writing of this article.