The Billions guide to being a billionaire

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"There are no innocent men. Not on Wall Street."

Well, at least that's what New York's stick-in-the-mud district attorney Chuck Rhodes (Paul Giamatti) thinks in the hit show Billions. Poor ol' Chuck has a bee in his bonnet and that bee's name is Bobby Axelrod (Damien Lewis). Bobby is a billionaire with a picture perfect family, a multi-national company, a lust for power and zero scruples. Here's how to enjoy your billions, the Bobby Axelrod way.

1. Pay your favourite band to play a private show just for you and your mates

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7yL3UTTucY Clip via José Valente Everyone has a band they'd love to see live but only billionaires can pay to see them in a more intimate space. In the clip above, Bobby jets his friends off to see their favourite band Metallica for a private gig. On the flight to the show they sample the finest marijuana edibles on the market. Not only that but they also get to hang out with the Metallica boys with some of the band even provide Bobby with some words of wisdom concerning his legal predicament. Top choices for a band to see in a similar circumstance from around the JOE desk include The National, Radiohead and the late Joe Dolan, who would be performing via hologram from heaven.

2. Buy a house for a stupid amount of money

Bobby's family comprises of himself, his wife and their two sons. Despite this, his mansion could comfortably house everyone in a fair-to-medium sized Irish town without anyone ever having to queue for the jacks. The house has everything the modern billionaire could ask for. In real life, the mansion is worth $37.5 million and belongs to a media executive. We've asked if we could pop along for a visit but have yet to hear back from them which we're taking as a quiet yes.

3. Have a private jet or two hanging around

You never know when the notion to fly to another country might take you so it's good to have at least one private aircraft waiting in your private hanger in the airport. It's also handy if, hypothetically, the district attorney is after you for insider trading and your only Plan B involves absconding to Switzerland with the wife, kids and a few bags of gold. But only hypothetically.

4. Give to charity

To the world around him, Axel is presented as a kind and generous family man. He does a lot of work for charity, particularly around the 9/11 tragedy. Nobody who gives money to charity can be bad, right? Sure, there are people who are suspicious of Bobby because he was the only person from his hedge fund who managed to survive the September 11 attacks, but he makes up for it by paying the college tuition of all the kids of his deceased co-workers. It's got nothing to do with a guilty conscience possibly arising from a tip off about giving work a miss on that fateful Tuesday 15 years ago.

5. Get revenge and destroy anyone who crosses you

If you're a billionaire, the most important thing is self preservation. There aren't many naturally occurring billionaires in nature so this rare breed tends to be a bit defensive. Still, you can't build a financial empire without being a bit vindictive. Observe Bobby negotiating with the owner of a symphony who crossed him in the past:

6. Know when you've met your match

... and remember that nobody stays on top forever.