We lost a true icon and made history.
It’s hard not to feel a bit knackered after a week in which Ireland passed same-sex marriage yet continued the debate anyway, Fianna Fáil were up one minute and in the pits of despair the next, FIFA were finally rumbled, the Premier League season put itself out of its misery and we lost an absolute household legend.
Friday, May 22nd
The country went to vote and we struggled to keep up. Des Bishop played taxi driver to the lazy arses who wouldn’t have voted otherwise; an Irish taxi driver went big in Australia; a Dublin bar offered free pints (win or lose) and it seemed like the population trebled when the people came #HomeToVote.
There's a monstrous queue to get into Ireland this evening. Guess what they're all back for? #MarRef pic.twitter.com/IP811asPV1
— District (@districtireland) May 21, 2015
It was a remarkable day in Irish history and nobody quite knew it yet.
Saturday, May 23rd
The early tallies from Dublin pointed to 70% yes and upwards, with most of the country following suit.
The Iona Institute conceded defeat before 10am and Ireland said, “F*ck Yeah!“; Paddy Manning stuck his fingers in his ears and shouted LA LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU and the rest of the country descended on Dublin Castle for the greatest craic in the capital since Italia ’90.
It was a hell of a do, but absolutely nobody would spare a thought for President Niall Horan. Yeah, the only No to be heard from the people of Ireland fell on Áras an Uachtaráin.
Sunday, May 24th
Sales of Alka Seltzer, sausage rolls and bottles of Lucozade exploded across the country as Ireland woke up to a chorus of, “oh my f***ing head”.
Our editor Paddy McKenna, a Yes voter, rose to the defence of Roscommon/South Leitrim after it became the only constituency in the country to vote against the legislation.
Slowly we all woke back up and had a bit of time to refl… no, we were straight into the last day of the Premier League.
Hull went down with ne’er a whimper and John Carver managed to save John Carver’s blushes through the medium of Jonas Gutierrez.
Other stuff happened too, but all anyone will remember will be Stoke City 6-1 Liverpool and Steven Gerrard completing the worst send off in history. Not that he, or any of his team-mates, cared that much.
Goodbye to the worst Premier League season in living memory.
Finally, Davy Fitz had no comment to make on anything, least of all the defeat to Limerick. He wouldn’t go into anything, before going into it, but then walking away from it, and well done to the other team, the bastards. Or something.
Monday, May 25th
Bill O’Herlihy died. Jesus.
Bill was Brennan’s Bread, TK Red Lemonade, pints of stout in Mulligan’s pub on Poolbeg Street, the face of the World Cup and the European Championships and the Olympic Games, part of every Irish household for half a century and as relevant to the young as to the old.
He was ageless, so the punch to the nation’s stomach was, and is still, very badly felt. Eamon Dunphy can spoof for Ireland but you knew the tears were genuine.
No bawling, just genuine sorrow.
We found out the first same-sex weddings could take place as early as August, and our own Eric Lalor had this to say…
https://twitter.com/ericlalor/status/603176893106561025
Oh, and Averil Power left Fianna Fáil and Micheál Martin took it all very personally. She’d felt let down at her party’s apathy towards the referendum and decided enough was enough.
Tuesday, May 26th
My day off. I spent the day pruning the hedge into a perfect likeness of Hank Scorpio. But you probably don’t care about that.
We had some bad news about the Bank Holiday weather while Davy Fitz and the lads sang a blistering version of You’re Gorgeous to Marty Morrissey. Because he is. He’s gorgeous. Shurrup Joe Brolly.
Finally, the best restaurants in Ireland were revealed.
Wednesday, May 27th
FIFA went t*ts-up, and pretended not to notice.
With the fallout from the vote finally dying down, apart from some loonbag suggesting we’ll all be scuppered by the wrath of God for voting in favour of same-sex marriages, we were left to wonder at the sheer level of corruption with football’s governing organisation.
The United States became the great new arbiters of Association Football, while Sepp took to the bunker and stuck his fingers in his ears and said out loud LA LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU more than 30 times and then… Nothing.
Surely, SURELY this man couldn’t be re-elected on Friday? Meanwhile 14 of his best mates gentlemen he’d never even heard of were in deep, deep, deep faecal matter.
Corruption in the vote for the 2018 and 2022 also featured, with a snowflake’s chance in the pits of hell that John Delaney’s bid to host both tournaments in or around Bray’s Carlisle Grounds would come to fruition.
Thursday, May 28th
Also known as ‘the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the day after the referendum.’
Count those and get back to us.
Ireland, somehow, had already made it to the top of world destinations in which to hold a gay wedding and John McGinley of Scrubs fame was seen pulling pints in Dublin town. Not a sign of an appletini.
Over in Zurich, Sepp Blatter’s fingers left his ears long enough for him to slither and slime his way towards the FIFA Presidency.
UEFA were making noises about pulling out of the 2018 World Cup while others called for a player boycott. All a big sorry, shi**y mess presided over by the only despotic leader never to have engaged in mass genocide. That we know of.
Elsewhere, we learned a bit more about the Love/Hate remake. Dennis Lehane is behind it, so quality is guaranteed.
Friday, May 29th
Rory McIlroy put plans in place for a weekend with the feet up, watching the FA Cup and eating his own weight in Hunky Dory’s, after making a complete Pig’s Michael out of his Irish Open campaign. It did not go well.
In Dublin, friends and family of Bill said goodbye, with Liam, Eamon and John appearing on The Late Late Show to talk about the man that made them tick for all these years.
Finally, in Zurich, something appalling happened.
I see Sepp Blofeld has retained control of his empire. #FIFACongress
— Jim Healy (@JJ5000) May 29, 2015
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
