Beards = bad…
Mayo fans are some of the best around. They love a day out in Croke Park. They come back year after year. They’re irrepressible in their love for all things green and red.
But there’s no denying they’ve had to deal with their fair share of heartaches in the past while following the county’s football team around the country.
The Mayo GAA men’s senior team has reached the All-Ireland final eight times since 1989 but hasn’t won the trophy since 1951.
One theory for this extraordinary run of bad luck is due to the team reportedly being cursed by a priest (possibly from Meath) because they didn’t pay due respects to a passing funeral in the town of Foxford in 1951.
The curse warned that Mayo would not win another All-Ireland Football Final until all members of the team were dead.
But one Mayo businessman believes he has successfully debunked the theory of the curse. Hiring a crack team of researchers, Tom Murphy, the creator of De Facto shaving oil, discovered the solution to the losing streak could simply be cosmetic.
Research showed that none of the previous All-Ireland winners from Mayo had a beard when they won the title, leading Murphy to think he’s perfectly placed to help this time around.
“I contend that there’s no such thing as the Mayo GAA curse,” Murphy said. “There is such a thing as a winning formula though, and that includes being clean shaven. It’s scientifically demonstrable that a clean-shaven face reduces the drag coefficient of an athlete.
“That’s why sprinters, cyclists and swimmers shave their body hair. It gives them the winning edge. It’s ironic that I have spent years perfecting my De Facto shaving oil in Mayo, a shaving solution that possibly brought Olympic glory to some, while I then spent weekends sharing my disappointment as successive Mayo teams failed to bring Sam home.
“It’s obvious to me that De Facto could be Mayo’s winning secret. To test my theory, I’m offering a supply of De Facto shaving oil to every Mayo team member in the hope that they will all tog out, not a whisker out of place, and finally put the story of the curse where it belongs, in the grave,” Murphy said.
How on earth could Aidan O’Shea and the rest turn this offer down?
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
