Ireland enter the lion’s den on Tuesday evening for a match against the World Champions, Germany in their own backyard and here’s some of the things you might hear if you’re watching it down the pub.
1. ‘Germany will be like a wounded animal and we’ll be lucky to get nil.’
Following Germany’s surprise defeat to Poland, the pessimistic Irish supporter will not be relishing the clash in Gelsenkirchen. The plucky Irish will be on the end of a German backlash if you are to believe the non-believers.
2. ‘It’s in Germany’s interests for Ireland to do well.’
The self-appointed economic experts of our country will have you believe that Irish qualification for Euro 2016 will in turn boost the economy and thus our ability to pay back the IMF, aka Germany. We are not sure the German players will feel the same way.
3. ‘Sure Angela Merkel is practically Irish’
Again feeding into the notion that the Germans have a soft spot for us, some Irish fans will mistake smiling from the German chancellor as a nailed on reason for a huge discount in the loan repayments. Eternal optimists.
4. ‘If we do better than a 7-1 defeat, does that mean we’re better than Brazil?’
Footballing logic is like no other logic known to man. Despite it being a World Cup semi-final played in Brazil over three months ago and with half that German team missing for the game with Ireland, there will be those who are convinced that that’s how football works. Ergo, if we do manage to beat Germany, that obviously makes us the best team in the world.
5. ‘Germany used to wear green as a tribute to Ireland because nobody else would play them after the war.’
This popular myth amongst some Irish fans is just that. A myth. There is no truth in it. The first team to play Germany after the war was Switzerland so we cannot claim that one. The colours stem from the German football federation logo, which was coloured in green and white as it represented the pitch and the markings. It’s a romantic notion alright, but alas, it’s completely unfounded.
6. ‘Johnny Logan is bigger than U2 in Germany.’
Another myth. Johnny Logan is an Irish legend. The fact remains, however, that despite his European successes, Germany was one country where he did not hold the number one spot with his Eurovision songs.
We like to think that Johnny was too classy for the Germans. Apologies for stereotyping, but in our experience, the German taste in music can be filed under ‘questionable’ and we say that with good reason as any country who has had this song as their number one single cannot be viewed in any other way. This is the Hoff and this is him looking for freedom.
7. ‘They might be the best in the world at football, but have you seen the absolute state of them in their lederhosen?’
The Irish will always recognise a country’s footballing ability and we’ll also be the first to pounce on any sartorial weaknesses. This from a nation whose people regularly don the sandals and socks look when holidaying abroad.
8. ‘Yeah, your man Neuer is decent, but he’s no Shay Given.’
Shay Given will be forever thought of fondly by Irish fans near and wide and the Donegal man will be revered by the Green Army as the greatest goalkeeper ever to put on a pair of gloves.
9. ‘I remember being in Japan when Robbie scored that last minute equaliser against them in the World Cup.’
Robbie Keane scored a last minute equaliser against the Germans during the 2002 World Cup in Ibraki, Japan. It cancelled out the Miroslav Klose goal for Germany and of course, if you were to believe everyone who claimed to have been there, there must have been 250,000 Irish fans at that match.
10. ‘Vorsprung Durch Technik’
This slogan used by German car manufacturer Audi is the only bit of German known to a lot of Irish fans. You can be sure it has been used on more than one occasion by Irish romeos looking to display their lingual dexterity to German girls in the hope that they speak back in English. It’s a phrase used to represent German efficiency and quite often ends up showing Irish idiocy.
