The big news in the papers today focused on a list that featured ’50 signs you’re getting old’ and while we can relate to a few we thought there were some better signs that you’re getting close to the top of the hill.
1 – When the clientele in Coppers starts looking a bit too young
It gets to a stage in every Irishman’s life when he strolls into Coppers at 1am and begins to feel like he could be arrested for just looking at the ladies inside, let alone doing anything else. When you have to ask, ‘do you think she’s 18?’, you know you’re getting old.
2 – When you’ll happily play in goals in a five-a-side just to get a break
Most of us hate going in goals when we’re playing a bit of 5-a-side with the lads, but when you start getting on in life you’ll happily step up to the plate for the goalkeeping duties just to have a rest.
3 – When you remember the original movie… Total Recall, anyone?
Remember the movie Total Recall? No, not the crappy remake with Colin Farrell, the 1990 classic staring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone? Well if you can remember seeing the original in the cinema, then we fear you might have already seen your best days.
4 – When you remember a GAA player’s father playing the game
It’s one thing feeling old when you see your childhood GAA hero retiring from the game, but it’s another to see his son playing and succeeding in his father’s footsteps. Damien & Niall Cahalane and Dean & Barney Rock ring a few bells…
5 – If you own a PS1, PS2 AND PS3
The PS3 was first released back in 2006, the PS2 was first released back in 2000 and as for the original PlayStation? Well, the lads at Sony first released the console that everyone had back in 1994, so if you had one of the very first PlayStations sold in Ireland then you’re probably sporting a few grey hairs too.
6 – Can you remember the sound of dial-up internet?
Nails being scraped on a blackboard; cats being swung around in a bag; your younger sister singing Mariah Carey into her mirror… these are all things that sounded ten times better than the internet dial-up noise that we all had to listen to before checking Bebo and MySpace. Thankfully, we don’t have to sit through that anymore, but it doesn’t mean we don’t miss it the odd time…
7 – If you still own a VHS collection…
Kids these days don’t even know what VHS stands for, let alone know what one looks like. VHS tapes were all the rage back in the day, seeing as there were no other options until DVD came along in 1995. So if you’re still hanging on to your Indiana Jones collection, then you know you’re getting old.
8 – When festival line-ups look sh*t. Every. Single. Year.
There are some seriously great music festivals here in Ireland, but you might start finding that you don’t actually know a single act on the line-ups. Sadly, that’s got nothing to do with your theory on how new music is sh*t these days, and more likely because you’re just too old to understand music these days.
9 – When you think the pub is getting a bit too noisy
When you start thinking that the pub is too noisy or too crowded it’s time to make that dingy ‘old-man pub’ your dad used to drink in your new local. The hustle and bustle is part of the fun of drinking down the boozer and thinking otherwise really shows your age.
10 – You find yourself going back to Mass… just in case
One typically Irish way of knowing you’re getting older is when you start going back to Mass just in case St. Peter and the Big Fella in the sky are actually up there. You just never know when you’re going to kick the bucket, but when you start going to Mass ‘just in case’ you know it’s time to retire the hair gel and put down the PlayStation One controller.
