So what’s the story with TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year?

In possibly the most groan-inducing media announcement of the year, TIME Magazine has decided to lump together the Arab Spring and Occupy Wall Street for its 'Person' of the Year.

So first off; what is this award and why should I care?

Honestly, its relevance lessens every year due to the incompetence of the weekly magazine’s picks but at one point, the announcement was seen as a well-respected award for the individual that had the biggest effect on the year’s news.

I’d imagine that the likes of Gandhi and Martin Luther King have won it then?

Indeed they have, as have the other usual suspects – JFK, Winston Churchill, Bill Clinton, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin.

Wait, what? Hitler and Stalin have won it?

Eh… yeah. Stalin won twice actually. As we’ve said, it isn’t necessarily awarded to the most admired people of that particular year.

So tell me a little more about their non-person picks.

The nonsense started in 1950, 23 years after the first-ever Person of the Year award. In that year, the ‘American fighting-man’ was chosen, while American scientists won ten years later.

Things got extremely non-specific in 1975 when ‘American women’ won, presumably in recognition of their female genitalia and the fact that they were born in the US.  The award reached a new low, however, in 1988 when Earth won ‘Person of the Year’.

The planet Earth…?

Yes. It was also named ‘Planet of the Year’ in the same year.

In fairness, it’s a grand oul planet.

Aye, that it is. In the last ten years, however, only five actual people have won the award. Alongside this year's winner, previous victories were afforded to ‘The Whistleblowers’, ‘The American soldier’, ‘The Good Samaritans’ and ‘You’.

Me?

Yes, you. Anyone that was alive at the time of the 2006 issue’s publication became TIME’s Person of the Year. It was a cringe-inducing pick that coincided with the beginning of YouTube and already seems incredibly dated.

Let me place my palm into my face for a few seconds to fully appreciate what you've just said. So anyways, go on then - tell me who won it this year.

‘The Protestor’.

Sigh... which protestor/s?

All of them. Yep, TIME is making no differentiation between the Arab Spring revolts, the Libyan revolution, Occupy Wall Street, Occupy Dame Street, the anti-austerity protests in Greece or presumably Carlos Tevez.

In other words, millions upon millions of people, many of whom have no political affinity with one another, are a prestigious magazine’s ‘Person’ of the Year.

Alright, so presumably only the editors of TIME can be blamed for what eye-rolling decision, but I hear that the magazine also let their readers vote for their pick online? Who did TIME’s readers choose as their most influential figure of 2011?

A Korean pop star named Rain.

Oh, for God’s sake. So should I protest TIME’s magazine and readers or is that exactly what they want me to do?

Good point. We reckon you’re better off buying a more intellectually stimulating fare in future, such as Fun To Learn - Peppa Pig or Katie Price - The Magazine.