A routine cholesterol check has led one of the JOE.ie team to think they’re not long for this world… but there is a silver lining.
On more than one occasion during my adult life the following phrase has been thrown in my general direction: “Nick Bradshaw, you’re a sick, sick man”. Generally it’ll be because my sense of humour is of the type that means there’s a toasty little spot in Hell reserved especially for me.
I like to think that the fact that I can see the funny side during the most sombre and serious of occasions is a good thing. Others, however, might not agree.
So I’m used to friends regularly telling me I’m sick, but I don’t expecting it from someone I’ve only just met and to whom I’ve said little more than hello.
The person in question is a nurse who has just pricked my finger in order to check my cholesterol level. I thought things were going well when my total cholesterol level came in at 4.36 (less than 5 is good) and was ready to head off to celebrate with a mid-morning Full Irish.
Frankly, I wasn’t surprised that my cholesterol level was within the acceptable zone – I don’t have trouble running up stairs and if my arteries are clogged then they’re giving no indication of there being an issue.
But the nurse wasn’t smiling. She was pointing at the front of a leaflet containing my test results where she’d written “Refer to GP”.
It turns out that although my overall cholesterol level is ok, go a little deeper and things aren’t quite as rosy. According to the leaflet I’ve been handed I have an LDL level of 3.24 and a HDL level of 0.58. In layman’s terms this means that my level of “bad” cholesterol is high and my level of “good” cholesterol is woefully low and needs to be raised.
The bad stuff leads to the build up of fat deposits in the walls of your arteries; the good stuff prevents and reduces the fatty stuff clogging you up. We all need a small amount of this waxy fat-like substance in our bodies, but it needs to be of the right variety.
Maybe I’m overplaying this. It’s not like I’m circling the drain just yet. But clearly I need to do something as fat deposits in your arteries can lead to bad stuff of the heart attack and stroke variety. To illustrate this need, the nurse shows me the back of the leaflet where she’s put a cross on a graph, indicating that as a non-smoker my risk of cardiovascular disease over the next ten years is between 10 and 20 per cent unless I act now.
Death
So now I’m worried. Surely the stress of being worried can’t be good for me? At what point over the ten year period? What if it’s next week? Am I going to be ok walking back to the office? Am I wasting my time buying a full week’s groceries?
Cardiovascular disease is currently the leading cause of death in Ireland. It accounts for 36 per cent of all adult deaths – or approximately 10,000 deaths each year.
Fortunately for me, and the hundreds of thousands of men across Ireland in the same position with regard to their cholesterol, there are things that can be done. And looking at the information in front of me, there’s a beacon of hope.
It turns out that I need to drink more alcohol. Really. There are other things I need to do too as part of a two pronged attack to lower the level of bad cholesterol and raise the level of the good stuff, but for the moment it’s the fact that “moderate daily alcohol consumption” will raise my level of “good” cholesterol.
Every cloud, as they say.
The nurse I’ve seen comes attached to a dietician, which is handy given that my awful diet is one of the things I need to sort out. She gives me some vouchers for Benecol, the milky stuff that the makers claim is proven to reduce cholesterol. In a world filled with health claims that word ‘proven’ is key –you’re not allow to put such a claim on a product unless there’s been rigorous testing and the results are bona fide.
For the next six weeks I’m to drink a little bottle of the stuff (or I can take it in yoghurt or spread form) so that the plant stanols can do their work. Plant stanols, it turns out, are molecules that get in the way of cholesterol molecules getting absorbed. The dietary equivalent of cock blockers, if you will.
So the Benecol will help, but that’s only the start. I need to eat more fruit and veg – apparently, the bit of lettuce on a chicken fillet roll does not count as one of my five a day. I also need to eat more oily fish (such as mackerel) and I really need to run around a bit more.
I’m going to jog from pub to pub, thereby getting some exercise and ensuring that I get my all-important moderate intake of alcohol.
As far as cutting stuff out – I’m to leave the fry-ups behind and from now on eggs will be a treat rather than a staple of my diet.
I’ve joined the Dublin Bike scheme and I’m about to join a gym to which I may actually turn up more than once (I’ve a bad record on this front, and a string of wasted subscriptions behind me).
If, like me, your health has been slowly, almost impenetrably, sliding downhill, and you suspect that hill to be lined with an ever-thickening layer of fat, then it’s worth getting your cholesterol level checked out. Even if things are ok, then it mightn’t hurt going for prevention.
This evening, straight after work, I’m going to start my new fitness campaign by doing something that will tick more than one box. I’m going to jog from pub to pub, thereby getting some exercise and ensuring that I get my all-important moderate intake of alcohol.
I’ll be getting checked out again in six weeks’ time and I’ll let you know how that goes. If I’m still here, that is.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
