Grammar is taking a serious beating here
Like a monkey chained to a typewriter, JOE rarely gets to leave our desks because we’re constantly writing or scouring the web for the best breaking news to bring our lovely readers.
It’s fair to say that we’ve read quite a fair amount of online content and it’s not always pretty.
While we’re the strongest advocates of free speech and expression, there are certain words that are dangerously close to being ‘accepted’ as a legitimate part of the English language and we’re having none of it.
As Ms.Hoover from The Simpsons would say, none of the following words are cromulent and if you know anyone who uses this list of words then you’ve our permission to hit them (very gently of course) over the head with a dictionary.
Bae
Meaning: Slang. An affectionate term that’s used to address or refer to one’s girlfriend/boyfriend etc.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? What was wrong with the word ‘babe’ to begin with?
Have certain people gotten so lazy that they now refuse to pronounce one more consonant? Is the “word” bae a sociological and linguistic result of the fact that people’s lives are busier now?
Is time so precious and scarce for some people that they have to drop the letter b in order to fit other appointments and discussions into their busy schedule?
There’s a special place that’s reserved in grammatical hell for people that use this “word” and it’s right next to Satan himself.
The feels
Meaning: Shorthand for the word ‘feelings’ that’s used to describe an intense emotional response, such as sadness, excitement or anger. Anger is usually directly at those people who use this term.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? The only ‘feels’ that I get from hearing or reading this word is intense rage.
This term almost sounds like something that you would expect a 5-year-old to say if they’re trying to articulate their emotional state.
Not a fully functioning adult.
Emosh
Meaning: A similarly incoherent and mind-numbingly stupid concept as “the feels” but it’s usually more commonly used in an ironic, detached and self-deprecating style.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? While we’re strong advocates of people expressing their mental and emotional state of mind, JOE will always provide a comforting ear, we really don’t want to exacerbate any potential anguish amongst our friends.
The problem we have is that once we hear somebody refer to themselves as being “emosh” we actually take multiple steps in the opposite direction and leave the building.
This is before we Hulk out in a grammatical induced rage-fit and end up smashing the room into smithereens.
Foodie
Meaning: Somebody that considers themselves to be a connoisseur of all things food-related and who only eats what they consider to be above the normal standard.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? Do people that breathe air refer to themselves as ‘airies,’ or what about that select bunch of people that like to fall asleep at night? Do we call this minority of 7 billion people ‘sleepies’ now?
No, foodies are just people that prefer to not spend their money on Big Macs while simultaneously judging those that do.
Y.O.L.O
Meaning: You only live once.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? While JOE is never against the idea of spontaneity, personal freedom or seeking new adventures and experiences, we’re convinced that there’s someone in the the world that has used the term ‘Y.O.L.O’ as the deciding/justifying factor to do something stupid.
Wrong wrong wrong.
Cra-cra
Meaning: Crazy
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? This abomination of the word crazy is even spelt wrong because it’s phonetically pronounced ‘cray-cray’ but the brain-trust that created it obviously can’t be trusted. Are we the only people that read this term along the lines of ‘kraw-kraw’?
We instantly have an idea of a very charming but slightly vacuous Alicia Silverstone saying that her most recent party was ‘off the hook cra-cra’ without a hint of the irony or sarcasm.
Cue us laughing out loud (not LOL-ing) and dying a little inside at the same time.
Totes
Meaning: A shorter and infinitely more annoying form of the word ‘totally’.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? If someone tells you to calm down, that they’re using the word ‘totes’ ironically, it doesn’t matter.
You must cut this person out of your life immediately.
Guru
Meaning: Those pretentious people who have read a Wikipedia article, heard one song or watched a documentary that instantly claim to be an expert in this chosen field. These people usually claim to have Stephen Hawking levels of intellect.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? A truly clever person will never say that they’re an expert on anything because there’s always someone that can prove you’re a tit.
Also, someone who’s especially clever about a particular topic will never feel the need to boast or show off. It’s a given.
Only the following people have the answers to all of life’s questions; Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan and Google.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7WAoepiuCg
Happy Valliers/Crimbo
Meaning: A bastardisation of those happy and jovial days when Hallmark and clever marketing combine to take precedence over people’s innate kind, caring and affectionate feelings towards their family, partners or friends.
Christmas and Valentine’s Day feature heavily.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? Even if you’re an atheist, show J.C. a little respect on his name day of December 25th.
He wouldn’t be sending you a tweet saying, ‘Happy Jimbo/Padzer/Paulie etc Day’ so why should you?
Whatevs
Meaning: A singular word that was known to grammar abiding people as ‘whatever’ that has now magically become plural and a million times more annoying.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? We’re instantly reminded of the apathy, disdain and sheer boredom of those depressed teenagers in The Simpsons Lollapalooza episode here.
The words ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘maybe’ were invented for a reason, they’re definitive and express a very clear state of mind.
What purpose does the term “whatevs” serve apart from inciting an uncontrollable desire to shake the person that says it?
Hunzos
Meaning: We have to steal this meaning from Urban Dictionary because it’s just too good.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? See above.
In Fuckin Bits #Selfie pic.twitter.com/BZMHRpUd1E
— Dublin Girlo (@dublin_girlo) February 15, 2015
F.O.M.O
Meaning: Fear of missing out.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? Maybe the reason you’re missing out is because you’re the type of people that uses this phrase?
Just a thought.
Literally
Meaning: While the word is fine, we literally can’t stand people that overuse the word. It literally kills us, literally.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? For reasons stated above and haven’t we all heard the story about the boy who cried wolf?
We literally know it word for word. Literally.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Xjka07o1-0
Amazeballs
Meaning: A term that somehow managed to combine amazing with testicles. To be applauded and hated in equal measure.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? Balls are funny. Hehe I said balls, but sometimes there’s a point when even the funniest subject can get quoted, used and overkilled beyond repair.
Then again, most words can be improved by adding balls to them so this doesn’t annoy us quite like some of the other terms on this list.
Balls, hehe.
Bantz
Meaning: The playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks amongst friends. Rendered redundant by the wretched Richard Keys.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? Irish people have already perfected this word, we call it craic.
True friends don’t let their mates get away with using this disgusting word in the company of other people.
Lush
Meaning: This is often used in place of ‘attractive’ or ‘great’, but it’s also become a term for a lady who is a little too fond of a tipple.
Why should it be sent to grammatical hell? : JOE first heard this word being bounced about on the streets of Galway, although we’re fairly sure it originates in hell.
“That’s so lush”, “you’re looking lush babe” and “I love twelve Bacardi Breezers on a Tuesday afternoon, I’m such a lush.”
Deary me.
Lush replaces about twenty different adjectives, but still only means one thing: you’re a little bit of a plank if you use it.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
