Recognise any of these?
Ah Monday, just feck off already. Then again, maybe you’re reading this on your holidays in the Bahamas with a drink in your hand and in that case, feck off too!
Only kidding, the start of the week means a return to the office and a friendly greeting to all of those familiar faces that you’re so used to seeing.
So, with thanks to Boost, we’ve decided to throw together a list of the 20 people you’ll definitely meet in most Irish offices.
Frustrated Photocopier
Ever see someone desperately try to work the photocopy machine and fail miserably? They usually just stare at it for a second, say ‘to hell with this’, turn around and leave.
The foodies
The fridge in your office can tell you a lot about the people that work with you and it’s such a minefield that I decided to break it down into a few categories.
Strange smell merchants – I swear to God, some people must be devoid of taste buds because, to quote Anchorman, their food “smells like a turd covered in burnt hair”.
Notes on everything – These people protect their food as if it’s their own child. So many notes.
Queuers – That awkward moment when you’re on the same ‘tea schedule’ or food-schedule’ as someone that you don’t know in your office. This usually results in a few awkward moments when they’re waiting to use the microwave/kettle.
Weight of the world
You know the types. Every request, issue or slight problem causes them to sigh out loud, curse the world or start ranting at their desk.
Happy receptionist
Most receptionists are friendly. They have to be but I secretly guess that as soon as your back is turned they start cursing you under their breath and utter these words to themselves: “Stupid Paul, asking me for a stapler. I’ll staple his head to the desk if he’s not careful.”
The worst types
Colleagues that make tea for themselves without asking anyone else if they want a cup. People have been fired for less.
Eye candy
The person that makes the day worthwhile and there’s always one in every office. Just don’t get caught walking past their desk every five minutes, that’s a bit creepy.
Don’t give a s**t types
I once worked with a guy whose Monday morning ritual involved spending the first hour at his desk monitoring his Premier League Dream Team. He did this for two years without ever being caught. Hero.
The planner
This is the person that takes responsibility for sorting out birthday cards, cakes and arranging drinks.
The patient
Ireland is a country that’s obsessed with sports and there’s always one person that will show up on Monday morning on crutches or with their arm in a cast following a match at the weekend.
One man wolfpack
To hell with productivity because it’s a miracle that these sauce warriors even managed to dress themselves and show-up to work in the first place.
Overly ambitious type
You can spot these people from a mile away. It’s almost like they think the boss is looking at every single thing they do and I’d imagine that they have a poster on their wall at home that says ‘you can do it’ in gigantic letters.
Awful craic altogether.
The know-it-all
There’s always one but here’s something they don’t know, everyone in the office doesn’t like them.
Headphones in, music up, world out
This is me and I’m sure that my tendency to listen to loud music has annoyed every single one of my colleagues.
Goody-two-shoes
They’re not the worst people in the office, it’s just a shame that their work ethic puts everyone else to shame.
Meeting maniac
This person thinks that the solution to all of life’s problems can be solved with a meeting. Jesus wept.
Walkers to nowhere
Ever spot people that seem like they’re constantly walking around your office but never actually spend any time at their own desk? I’d wager that these people like to create the impression that they’re really busy but they actually do feck all.
Gossip girl
Just like Littlefinger in Game of Thrones they know everything and have leverage on everybody.
The Lifer
Is there someone that has been with your company for so long that they’re actually a part of the furniture? They’re never leaving. Ever.
Pints?
It doesn’t matter what time of day it is because this colleague is already thinking about dragging you out for ‘one or two’ after work.
The normal one
Hopefully this is you. Good at your job, doesn’t make much of a fuss, well liked by everyone in the office and good craic on any nights out. In this case, we think that you deserve a promotion and should be swimming in gold coins.
Brought to you by BOOST Energy Drinks. For all those times during the week when you need a pick me up.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
