Is there anyone you know on the list?
Smokers may be a dying breed but that doesn’t mean that they’re all the same. There are all sorts of people who can’t resist a quick nicotine hit, from yellow-fingered veterans to fresh-faced newbies who’ve yet to acquire the wrinkles of the old pros.
The chances are you’ve encountered some of the characters below, whether it’s the smoker who always scabs cigarettes or the one who constantly seems to be in the process of quitting.
Are there any that we’ve missed?
1. The chain smoker
They live life from one cigarette to another, dreading the moment that they have to take a break to eat. They’re the sort of smoker that lights a new cigarette with the one they’re about to put out.
2. The borrower
The borrower confuses “not smoking” with “not buying cigarettes.” They can spend an entire night bumming smokes off their friends or random strangers but they never buy any because they “don’t really smoke.”
3. The undercover smoker
They sneak out for quiet smokes when no one’s looking, lie to their partner about their habit, and spend a small fortune on mints and chewing gum to hide their guilty secret. Their very existence is a complex web of denial, guilt, lies and failed attempts to quit.
4. The quitter
This smoker has been quitting for almost as long as they’ve been smoking. They’ve tried everything from books to hypnotism to homeopathy but they’re still hooked on the demon tobacco. But they’re definitely giving up tomorrow.
5. Vapers
They’re essentially smokers with notions who like gadgets. Vapers will go to great lengths to tell you it’s a healthier alternative as they blow another cloud of bubblegum-flavoured smoke into your face. You keep telling yourself that, bubblegum boy.
6. Social smokers
This type of smoker only smokes when they drink. That can seem like a better approach than most, until they start drinking every night of the week to justify having a cigarette.
“What’s that? Ah, I just fancied a cold beer. On a Tuesday. At five minutes to midnight.”
7. The unrepentant smoker
This committed smoker is dedicated to a life of smoking, no matter how short it is. They’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that they love smoking and don’t want to quit. They laugh in the face of medical science, ignore social pressures and will fight to the death for their right to slowly poison themselves.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
