Hear me roar: busted exhausts

It started out as a barely noticeable humming emanating from beneath your car. You managed to fix it by turning up the volume on your radio but a week in, people are diving for cover whenever you drive past.

Having the exhaust on your car go is a lot like waking up in the middle of the night needing a piss. You can put it off, but it’s only going to get worse until you bite the bullet and do something about it.

A car won’t normally stop running if the exhaust goes, but the sheer embarrassment factor of driving a car that sounds like a clap of thunder when you spark her up should be enough to send you running to your nearest mechanic.

If it isn’t, there are other factors to be considered. For one, the thing could fall off while you’re bombing it down the motorway. There is a chance it could get jammed under your vehicle and flip you into a barrier. At the very least, it could spell disaster for anyone driving behind you.

Also worth keeping in mind is that an exhaust manifold leak can provide a path for carbon monoxide emissions to enter the passenger compartment, often through the cowl vent at the bottom of the windshield. It may leave you feeling somewhat sleepy while at the wheel.

The first thing to do when your car starts sounding like a helicopter taking off is have a look underneath for yourself. One of the joints where the various parts of your exhaust fit together may simply have worked loose and replacement parts may not be needed.

The detachable joints normally slot into each other before being held in place by a c-clamp. If the c-clamp has worked loose then the exhaust can begin to separate – causing excessive vibration and the racket that makes you blush with shame when you drive past a good looking girl.

If this is the problem, fixing it maybe be a case of loosening the bolts on the c-clamp, pushing the two ends together and re-tightening the c-clamp again. Easy.

Sadly, the problem is often more serious. You can expect about five to seven years from your car’s original exhaust system but after that, the internal mufflers and pipes will start to rot.

Replacement

Major exhaust problems will generally require a front-end replacement, a back box replacement or an entire exhaust replacement. Some cars come with single-unit exhausts so if one part goes, you have to replace the lot.

If just the back box is gone (the box at the back) then you could get away with paying not too much over the €70 mark. If a component at the front end goes, like the flexi-joint close to where the exhaust connects to the engine, you’re looking at €150, €200 or sometimes more.

Another cost involved is the disposal fee most companies will hit you with for dumping whatever they remove. This can start at a couple of Euro but is sometimes considerably higher.

An exhaust repair has traditionally been a job for a garage, but drop-in fast-fit services such as the country’s largest chain, Advance Pitstop, have been taking an increasing share of the market.

JOE recently dropped into the local Advance Pitstop branch on a recent balmy Saturday after an un-Godly rumble had started to splutter from the jalopy’s undercarriage. Within minutes the car was jacked up and an inspection was underway.

“The flexi joint is starting to go,” said the friendly staff member. “It’s not urgent, but you’ll have to get if fixed eventually.

“How much?”

“You’re looking at €150. Part can be here by early Monday.”

The fact that it wasn’t about to fall off at any minute was a relief. The part was put on order and arrangements were made for the car to be dropped in the following weekend. And then the exhaust dropped off on the way home.

A quick call later and it was arranged to have the car back in the shop on Monday when the new part would be fitted.

Monday lunchtime arrived, but the part didn’t. Someone had forgotten to order it from another of Advance Pitstop’s branches. The earliest it could get there was that evening.

Once repaired, the car sounded better – for a couple of days. By that weekend it was growling loudly at passersby again. Another issue was the fact that the old exhaust had been left in the foot well in the back of the car even though the receipt showed that a disposal fee had been charged. Visit number four was in order.

“The rubbers have gone,” said the friendly staff member forced to work on another balmy Saturday. “Leave it with us. And sorry about the exhaust in the back of the car, we’ll throw that out for you.”

Visit number five came on Monday morning, but the exhaust had not yet been repaired. “The part won’t be here until this evening.”

Sadly, the JOE.ie hierarchy were threatening to put a contract out if another sunny Monday was missed due to dubious exhaust-related incidences. The car was needed – noise, or no noise.

Bus stops

Another week of ducking behind the steering wheel when passing populated bus stops rolled by. The old exhaust spent its time rattling around in the back, destroying as much of the interior as it could manage because they had forgotten to remove it again.

Saturday finally came and it was another scorcher. Time for visit number six.

“We can look at that for you today, but not for a few hours yet,” said the friendly staff member. “We’ll call you when it’s done. Having to wait on the call meant there would be no making the most of the beer garden weather for yet another Saturday.

The call came that evening and it was time to bus it back for the seventh visit. The keys were handed over, the exhaust was humming nicely and everything looked to be finally in order. But it wasn’t. The old fecking exhaust was still rolling around in the foot well.

So if you hear that earth-shattering rumble but don’t want to waste what will probably be the only sunny days you’ll get off this year, maybe pop along to Kwik-Fit instead.

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