1. On those precious father/daughter moments
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
2. On ‘squal goals’
So cute. Asked my mom out to lunch and she yelled, "Squad-Goals!". I laughed pretty hard before never ever seeing her again.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 21, 2015
3. On telling the difference between Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds
https://twitter.com/VancityReynolds/status/614066267020918784
4. On taking a break from the kids
Tip: It's important parents take little "time outs" for themselves too. Even if you feel pretty guilty when you return 14 years later.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) May 3, 2016
5. On how the world works
On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 16, 2016
6. On Kelis’ biggest single
Boys… It's just a milkshake. Get outta my fucking yard.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 31, 2016
7. On painting
I'm making an oil painting of my sister, Sarah. And it's more difficult than I thought because I don't have a sister.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2016
8. On being apart from your kids
Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 7, 2016
9. On milk
It's 2016. I'm not going to start drinking regular milk just because some asshat has a problem with public breastfeeding at the beach.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 28, 2016
10. On the important birthdays
Just want to wish Billy Ray Cyrus the most special, magical birthday ever. I love you with all my heart. Also, Happy Birthday to my wife.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 25, 2016
11. On quiche
This morning, my daughter said, "quiche" which means she's smart, hungry and an asshole.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 21, 2016
12. On anxiety
If pure anxiety was an Olympic sport, I'd feel really fucking anxious about all the gold medals I just won like a BOSS.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 17, 2016
13. On babies being cute
Put the baby down in her crib tonight. She scrunched her nose so cute, giggled, then turned into thousands of bats.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 10, 2016
14. On the moral of the story
No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 7, 2016
15. On what it means to be a father
Being a father means responsibility. Not just for your main family, but also the secret one in Denmark nobody knows about.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2016
16. On dogs
In the morning, I like to let the dogs out and sing, "Who let the dogs out" before punching myself in the face as hard as I fucking can.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 26, 2015
17. On the joys of fatherhood
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
18. On the greatest novel of the 21st century
My infant daughter's traumatized for life. 50 Shades of Grey = Worst fucking coloring book ever.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 17, 2016
19. On earning your stripes
After this morning's diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 14, 2016
20. On rites of passage
Totally caved and tossed my daughter the keys to the car. She looked really happy as they bounced off her tiny infant face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 12, 2016
21. On dick pics
Call me old fashioned, but sending a dick pic is disgusting and lazy. Real love means sending a nice bouquet of penises.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 29, 2015
22. On his daughter’s birthday
Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) December 16, 2015
23. On KFC
Saying, "Finger Lickin' Good" out loud — even at KFC — makes everyone pretty uncomfortable.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 13, 2015
24. On the lengths he’d go to
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
25. On kids’ art
My daughter's only 6 months old and already drawing. I'd hang it on the fridge but honestly, it's absolute garbage.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2015
26. On sunset
I'm teaching my daughter that the sun goes down each night because it's mad at her. Probably gonna write a book on parenting at some point.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 5, 2015
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