Deep down, Ireland knows what it must do to win next year's Eurovision
Hold me now, again.
Eurovision fever gripped Liverpool this weekend as Sweden's Loreen was announced as the winner of 2023's finals. The victory matched Ireland's record of 7 wins in the history of the competition - and created a national identity crisis in the process.
The final nail in the coffin of our bragging rights over the rest of the continent has brought up feelings of sadness, confusion and a deep-rooted fear that we may never see that trophy ever again. 27 years on from our last victory, it's time to admit Ireland has lost its title of Eurovision darlings.
However it was another record-equalling stat that caught our eye last night and brought an idea and a glimmer of hope back into our lives. Loreen's win last night was her second, which matches the record of individual wins held by none other than our own Johnny Logan.
— Richard Chambers (@newschambers) May 13, 2023
It's time to bring Johnny Logan back.
Herein lies our suggestion, a Hail Mary of sorts, to bring back the legend of Irish Eurovision to reclaim our crown and set two records straight. We need Johnny back.
Even Loreen is aware of the threat that surrounds her recent glory, she's already suggesting a duet with Mr. Eurovision himself, in a clear attempt to tie him up so he can't come back as a solo act.
She said: “If he wanted to, but what if he says no? That would be nice, a ballad maybe.” We see right through you Loreen. We can smell your fear.
For anyone who needs reminding of Johnny Logan's credentials, he first won the Eurovision in 1980, with 'What's Another Year'. Four years later, he composed Linda Martin's entry 'Terminal 3' which placed second.
He then won the contest for a second time in 1987 with 'Hold Me Now', which he also wrote himself. Not happy with that, he went on to write Linda Martin's 1992 winning entry 'Why Me?'.
With our records now equalled and verging on being broken, there really is only one man for the job and his achievements speak for themselves.
In the velvet dark of a Turkish wine bar a television is dimmed. Johnny Logan sits his hulk silently over a flute of champagne. A hush descends upon the small crowd.
He reaches for the glass and with famous blue eyes closed, rumbles
"Get the fuckin suit"
They know. They roar.
— 📻 ED SMITHMAS 🎅 (@EdTodayFM) May 13, 2023
We can imagine it already - Johnny up there sitting on stage on a lonely stool, dressed in a white tux - just like he was back on that fateful night 43 years ago. A hushed crowd, a slowly-building verse and a bombastic chorus that could even get a Swede's toe tapping. It's written in the stars.
So, we say forget the national vote, get Johnny a log cabin in the middle of the wilderness somewhere on the island and let him cook up what will no doubt be the winning song of Eurovision 2024, cementing his legacy as Mr. Eurovision once and for all.
Or, failing that, give CMAT and Kneecap a go, because that would be an absolute banger too.
— cmat (@cmatbaby) May 10, 2023
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